Trusting Again (Blind Trust series book 2)

Prologue

Mew POV

- Why? – Gulf whispered – Do you think this will protect me from the attacks? Do you think it’ll be better for me to be without you? I’m not okay with this. I don’t want to break up.

Neither do I.

It had been one of the worst weeks of his life.

What had happened to Mew months ago, had left him completely broken and suffering from a lot of side effects that he didn’t what to address at the moment. But all that… could not even compare to what was happening now.

Gulf stood there, by the living room entrance, looking hurt and completely flabbergasted. His eyes were asking him to say everything was a lie or just a bad joke.

But it wasn’t.

- We have to, Gulf. You don’t understand… - Mew said.

Gulf couldn’t understand, because Mew wasn’t explaining anything at all… and he wasn’t planning to.

Mew just looked down to his own feet, not feeling strong enough to look at Gulf’s face. Seeing his eyes would just break his resolve, and he needed to do this.

Can’t you see is for the best?

- Phi, why are you doing this? - Gulf’s voice broke something inside Mew. He could tell his (soon-to-be-ex) boyfriend was barely holding it together – Why can’t you tell me why are you being like this?

Because if I do… you will suffer even more.

No one ever tells you in movies and series how hard it actually is to do the right thing. Mew had been so selfish his entire life. With his sister, with his parents, with his friends… he needed to change, he needed to be better. Even though all he wanted to do was to say “fuck it” and be with Gulf, he also knew he shouldn’t be thinking like that.

He had been trying to find a solution for days… but all his efforts had left him tired and more damaged than before.

This was the only way out.

This… was the only way he found to protect the only person that understood him the most in the world.

- What do you mean? - Mew asked him tiredly. He gathered all the strength he could find and look at Gulf.

Watery eyes stared back at him, betrayal shining in them.

- Why are you doing this to us? Why are you giving up? - Gulf asked.

It’s for your own good… Life sometimes is cruel like this.

- I’m just doing what I should’ve done a long time ago. Now, I’m strong enough to do it.

- No! Don’t lie to my freaking face! – Mew knew Gulf was beyond upset when he heard him raising his voice. Gulf never raised his voice - Don’t say you’re doing this now because you feel strong! You are just doing it ‘cause you’re afraid!

Can’t you see I’m afraid for you?

Why couldn’t Gulf see he was doing this for him?

- Turn down your voice, I’m still older than you - Mew said in a low tone.

- Being older doesn’t mean you’re in the right here. I’m upset! You won’t listen to anything I say. You’re doing this, and still, you want me to calm down?! You’re such a coward!

Mew took the blow. He deserved it. He was a coward indeed. He was afraid.

- Did you ever trust me Phi?

Mew looked back at him, he tried to not let any of his thoughts be seen on his face. Gulf was the only person in the world he trusted wholeheartedly. There was no one else. Not his family… not his friends.

Just Gulf. He trusted him blindly.

- What kind of question is that Gulf? - Mew answered frustrated.

- It’s a simple question. After all the time we’ve been together, did you ever fully trust me?

- Of course I did… - I still do - Of course I trust you Gulf.

- No. You didn’t. You want to know why? Because if you did, you wouldn’t be doing this. You would be fighting for this with me.

He should fight, that was a fact. But he feared what the consequences could do to Gulf. He was so naïve sometimes.

- Are you certain about this P’Mew? – Gulf said, tiredly.

I need to finish this. I can’t take it much longer… I’m gonna break.

- I… - Mew started to say.

- Let me just tell you something - the younger interrupted him - if you do this, there is no going back. I will stop fighting for this. I will stop treating you like I’ve been doing all this time. My heart will break and there will be no way of putting it back together. If you regret it in the future, there won’t be any trust left in me to forgive you. Do you still want to do this?

Mew stared at Gulf’s eyes and everything they had been through flashed before his eyes. Every kiss, every hug, every sweet word, every reassuring word, every time they pulled each other up when they were feeling down… every single way they showed their love to each other.

Mew saw the final threat in Gulf’s eyes. He meant it. If Mew continued with it, he would lose Gulf… forever. He almost called everything off, but just thinking about what could happen made him go on.

Finish it!

- I… - Mew took a moment - I still think we should break up – Mew finally said.

Mew shattered inside at that moment. He didn’t dare to look at Gulf. He just wanted him gone so he could lick his own hounds.

Just a little more… just hold on.

- Don’t call me again unless it’s work-related – Mew heard him say before he turned around and walked out the door.

It’s done.

His world came crashing down on him. There was no color, no laughter, nothing. Just him… existing. There was no going back. He lost Gulf. And he would never be able to get him back.

I hope that we meet each other in the next life. This one wasn’t for us Gulf. If I get to meet you next time, I promise you I will never let you go again.