Trusting Again (Blind Trust series book 2)

Chapter 4: One more time

TW: Self-harming thoughts (hinted)

POV Gulf

After a while, his anger got cold and only sadness remained.

It had been just a fucked up trail of events.

Thinking about it at the moment, Gulf could actually understand why Mew did what he did. Mew had always been very hesitant about their relationship, and even though it got better with time, he still had been really careful with not giving anything away while they were in front of people.

Like, everyone saw Mew and Gulf being touchy and comfortable with each other, but Gulf had known deep inside Mew had been restraining himself. Mew was the type of person that showed love and affection through touch. He loved skinship, not only with Gulf but with his friends and family too.

Gulf should’ve known that even though Mew had been better with therapy’s help, his fears were still there lurking inside his head, waiting for a moment to come alive. Anything could trigger them.

And the trigger had been this one.

“Then we’re together Nong. But beware this, no one can know. I’m not willing to risk it when it comes to you. Please tell me you understand that?”

That’s what Mew had told him the day they got together. He wasn’t willing to “risk” it. He wasn’t willing to risk their careers, specifically Gulf’s. He wasn’t willing to risk Gulf’s relationship with his parents, because he knew what it was like to have a broken family.

Maybe at some point, this was my fault too.

Maybe if Gulf had been a little bit stronger when the situation with the picture happened, Mew wouldn’t have assumed he didn’t have what it takes to fight the world by his side. Even though he had tried to hold it in, Mew had known. He had known how much it had affected him.

And even though Mew had come to talk to him, trying to explain his point of view, Gulf couldn’t help but feel petty, which was very uncharacteristic of him.

But, feelings aren’t logical.

We never know how we will react in a certain situation.

And Gulf had felt hurt, and sad. He understood where Mew was coming from, but he couldn’t feel anything but hurt and sadness.

Someone was blackmailing him. He ran away.

Gulf’s parents said something upsetting about him. He ran away.

There wasn’t a book or a tutorial out there that explained how to behave when in a relationship. But Gulf had assumed that at least Mew would’ve come to him, trying to find a solution between the two of them. But that didn’t happen.

And as much as his heart wanted to forgive him, his head was in the way, reminding him that Mew didn’t fully trust him. Reminding him that he shouldn’t trust Mew anymore.

Gulf had done his best. Maybe they weren’t meant to be.

This is for the best.

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POV Mew

- Let me get this straight – Mild said while watching Mew staring at his kitchen table – You guys were ACTUALLY together. Like… “together” together?

Mew looked at Mild’s dumbfounded eyes and sighed.

- Yes Mild… we were together romantically.

- Huh… - Mild nodded a few times, lost in thoughts – I guess Boat owes me 500 bahts.