Trusting Again (Blind Trust series book 2)

Chapter 2: Mew... you fucked up

After the break-up...

POV Mew

The expression on Gulf's face had been the worst.

Even now, two days later Mew could still see it. It was printed behind his eyelids; he couldn't get away from it.

He had seen rather than heard Gulf's heartbreak alongside his own.

The words had burned while coming out of his mouth like his own body was rejecting saying them. But every time he thought about Amp or HIM coming after Gulf, he was convinced he had taken the right choice.

Mew had been worried about his sister as well. Even though Jom had a restraining order against the crazy guy, that didn't mean she was safe. The only thing keeping him from telling her about Amp, was what it could mean for her recovery. Mew didn't want to send her back into that dark place, so he settled with telling Boom instead. That way she would be safe without actually knowing what was happening. Mew knew he Boom would do anything to protect his sister.

Going around his condo he felt lonelier than ever. Gulf's little things were still around the house, making him feel the loss stronger than before. His mug in the kitchen, his toothbrush in the bathroom... right next to Mew's, his clothes on the wardrobe, his slippers scattered around the floor...

And each little item that had given him warmth once, was now slowly becoming into heart-wrenching coldness.

He hadn't been able to sleep either.

His bed suddenly had felt too big, too cold to actually fall asleep. Gulf's scent still remained on the sheets. Mew couldn't even hug the pillow and pretend it was him because Gulf never actually slept on the pillow, preferring to put his head on Mew's arm or chest. Gulf had liked to sleep really close to Mew, like reassuring him and letting him know he was there. And the nights they made love were still imprinted on Mew's skin... chasing the sleep away, making him unable to actually rest.

"If you do this, there is no going back. I will stop fighting for this"

Mew took his hands to his ears, trying to quiet the words that still haunted him every single hour. He knew there was no going back. There was no way Gulf would actually forgive him, and Mew didn't want him to. As long as Amp had those pictures, he had Mew by the balls. There wasn't a goddamn thing he could do but to stay away from Gulf, as far as possible.

Why is my life like this? What did I do in my past life to deserve this?

Now, Mew was certain that second chances do not exist.

For the first time in months, Mew needed a drink.

Taking his wallet and phone, he walked out the door to the nearest shop.

It's time to get wasted.

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- Oh no... MewMew... what have you done?

Mew tried to clear the fog that was clouding his head at that moment. He didn't even remember how he got there in the first place. He felt a hand caressing his head, and for a moment his heart skipped a beat thinking Gulf was back.

But it couldn't be. There was no way Gulf would be back with him. Not after everything he said.

Trying his best to focus his eyes on the person in front of him, Mew took his hand and tried to massage his forehead. He had an enormous headache trying to split him in half.

- What the hell is going on, Mew?

Mew heard rather than saw Jane seated beside him on the couch. His contacts were dry and they were hurting his eyes.