𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚎

YOUR GAURD IS UP

''Because the last time, you saw me

Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die''

BACK TO DECEMBER - TAYLOR SWIFT

________________________________________________________________________________

CONNOR POV

I adjust my tie as I take a glance at my watch. If I leave right now, I would be terribly early. I don't want to bring any sort of attention to myself. So I decided to grab a coffee before heading to ELLISON. 

Among the multitude of emotions in my mind, I feel excited. Rosa would probably have no clue that I'm coming. She would be surprised but what if she isn't? What if she doesn't want o see me? 

I reach ELLISON at 10, half an hour before the interview commences. I walk in to find a huge row of well-dressed candidates, sitting up straight and staring at each other. The room was as silent as death. The decorum was maintained too perfectly that I'm slightly pained. I walk up to the front desk and ask them for instructions. They direct me to my seat and I sit down still shook in amusement. I observe the office, the hall was extravagant with bright, majestic chandeliers hanging from the ceiling which were designed in black and grey. 

As I continue to gape at the surroundings, a man with a buzzcut walks in screaming over the phone. The buzzcut might seem disguised but the voice just gives off. I've missed you, Leo. I stand up from my seat and look at him. I smile and he smiles back at me. But something's off in his smile, he smiles at me like he's sorry for me. I don't like it, I'm already clueless about what's going to happen. I don't even have a vague idea of how Rosa would react. And his smile just made me feel like I'm getting myself into something I shouldn't. It feels wrong, I never thought twice before applying but now I'm starting to rethink everything. Why does this feel like I'm entering prison voluntarily? I hope it ain't that bad. Or it could be worse, you never know.

Regret starts to grow in my chest like mold appearing on old food. I don't know what I'm doing. 

Suddenly I hear my name on the intercom. 

Shit, I gotta go and face her

To hell with it.

I walk to the door. I hold the handle and sigh. Whatever happens, it's for the better or the worse. I'm in a situation where I desperately hope for the better and I'm ready to resist the worse that could come up too. I open the door slightly and excuse myself.

''You can enter'', her sharp shrill voice echoes as I walk in. 

Damn.

She looks... Exalted. 

She lifts her head up to look at me. A millisecond is all that it takes for her to recognize my face, to see me, and to rewind everything. But then, immediately after she looks at me, she goes back to looking at the files on her table.

''Come have a seat''

She says and I obey it very obediently. It feels like you're in the presence of a goddess. It's like she owned my soul the minute she looked at me. 

I sit down and smile at her. She doesn't return the smile, she looks at me, then at my file, and again at me, then at my file. When she finally seems satisfied with her reading, she sighs and rests back in her chair. 

It doesn't feel like being around Rosa. She always had this whole aura around her that only generated calmness and positivity. But now I'm intimidated, her every breath, every little move, every glance rushes adrenaline inside me. 

''So Mr. Merrick, Good morning, I was expecting you to greet me!''

Shit, I was so enthralled by her that I completely forgot I was supposed to act formally. 

''I'm sorry, Ma'm. Good morning.''

Why am I stuttering? Something inside me discerns that this is not going to end up well. Maybe I should just get up and leave. I don't like the tension building up with every word she speaks, it makes it hard to think straight. 

''So, Mr. Merrick, can introduce yourself and brief me on your previous work experiences?''

I start by telling her about my education, my degrees, and my achievements in finance research. Then I let her know that I have worked for the First Bank, and she raises an eyebrow. I could tell that she was impressed but still, she seems unsatisfied. Maybe she's always never satisfied with what she gets. 

Once I'm done, she nods and closes my files. She looks me straight in the eyes. I love how constant her stare is, she doesn't look away, and she isn't disturbed. Too bad for someone who is shaking under the chair and panicking with every word she says. 

''Why did you choose Bussiness as your main course of study, Mr. Merrick?''

She asks me a question but I know she knows the answer more accurately. She understood me more than myself. 

I tell her how I love calculating and organizing things and how I'm comfortable with maintaining records for everything I do. It's obvious from the way she nods her head that she could tell I'm lying. She just sees me, she always knew me and that is what makes this harder. 

It's hard to explain a slight headache to a neurologist who knows it better. It's certainly hard to explain a short story to a bestselling author who has better knowledge. It's exactly how it is to talk about myself to Rosa who knows me better than myself. 

Once she seems satisfied with my responses,s he nods her head. She flashes me a smile that screams uneasy professionalism and says,

''I will get back to you, thank you, Mr. Merrick''

I didn't wanna let go that easily. She talks to me like everyone else out there and I know that she is not feeling the same. I hate this big bubble I could feel over her and I want to break it and save my Rosa. My Rosa is trapped inside this disguise of Rosalinda Ellison. My lips quiver as I stand up from my seat and look at her. She doesn't notice me still standing there, she's busy skimming through the files of the next candidate. 

Once she notices me, she widens her eyes asking me if I needed anything else.

With my lips shaking and my heart pounding hard against my chest, so fast that it could actually fall out, I say,

''Do you not remember anything, Rosa? What happened to you-''

''MA'AM, I'm ma'am to you...One of the most important eligibility which I look for in my employees is professionalism and respect. I want them to be just as formal as I am with them. The main criterion I'm looking for in today's candidates is the same. I think I might have to deduct your stats in that area, Mr. Merrick, you may leave now.''

My eyes welled up and a blurry vision h her hand pointing to the door is enough for my feet to turn around and walk towards. I pass through the long hallway of candidates, my heads still down. Once I'm at the exit, I look up and see Leo. He quickly notices the bottled-up tears in my eyes and he helplessly smiles at me. This is what he expected. He expected Rosa to hurt me, he knew it. I'm out of the building, I enter a nearby cafe. The slow rain adds to the melancholy playing in my mind. I am going to spend my whole life as a massive failure. I wish I could stop trying but I don't have an alternative. I can't succeed in anything I guess. That's why it hits me in the face again and again. I shouldn't stand here as the waves wash away my shame, I should go with the tide. Disappear into the ocean, I don't deserve to live. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

Rosa is definitely wayy to upgraded but I feel bad for my boy now, should we employ him? Hoping for a yes!! This chapter was longer to write and thanks alot for reading. My immense gratitude for the support rendered all these days, it really means alot to me. Stay tuned for more! LOVE YA'LL!! STAY GRACIOUS<3