𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚎

CHANDELEIR'S STILL FLICKERING HERE

''I dress to kill my time

I take the long way home
I ask the traffic lights if it'll be all right
They say, "I don't know"

Death by a thousand cuts- Taylor Swift

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CONNOR POV

The slow rain had turned into a downpour by the time I reached home. I walk in into the solitude of my house, silent as the dead of night in such a busy hour. I enter my room and come to face the mirror. Shame surges through my skin and my eyes tear up. I am a failure, I wish I never existed. The life that I live would be so profitable if it belonged to someone else. I am a waste of space, a waste of time. I don't deserve to live, I can't keep failing like this when I have someone's life in my palm. I think of the world without me, I picture my parents' lives, Rosa's life, Leo's life, everything without me, and everything is the same. Rosa would have even been happier. 

When I think about the screw-ups in my life, I think of her. It was all my fault. It was my freakin fault and she'd have to end up like this. She's got to suffer for the rest of her life, because of me. I don't deserve any kind of love cause I'm gonna throw it away, I'm gonna burn it, crush it and let it die. I'm gonna hurt people. That's all I will ever be able to do, I'm a monster. I'm not just an unwanted liability, I'm also a burden to everyone. I feel apologetic for everyone who knows me and everyone I've encountered for having to put up with someone like me. 

I take the blade in my hands as I stare at it. It tempts me to slit my wrists with this. I bite my lip trying to hold in tears but nothing I ever do is going to stop endless drops falling continuously. 

Just as I raise the blade a little, I notice her room, behind me, in the mirror. I can free myself from this by killing myself but who will save her? How can I be so selfish? I need to live. Not for me, at least for her. I run into her room and sit by her bed. I bury my face in her sheets and cry my heart out. I wish I had a proper job, I wish I never wronged anyone, god, why? Why me?

Shit, I almost slept the whole day, I forgot to feed her. I look at the clock and it's already 8 at night. I walk over to the kitchen and make pasta and juice, I give her food and settle myself on the edge of the bed. I start to eat but then suddenly my phone rings. Where is my phone? I run outside and find my phone on the couch moving slightly to the vibration. I can't figure out the number, it seems unknown. I pick it up and clear my voice before saying hello. 

''Hello, Mr.Merrick?''

Rosa? Why has she called me all of a sudden? 

''Yes, Ma'am. I'm sorry I was perplexed at first. '' I say, my voice still disturbed from the breakdown I had a few hours ago. 

''Mr. Merrick, I'm very elated to inform you that you have been selected for the position of my personal assistant. I would ask you to give it a fresh start from tomorrow but there are some things you would have to figure out before, I'm so sorry for calling you up so late but if possible could you drive to Ellisons?''

My mood just went a hundred levels up. I can't believe she selected me after that. After the catastrophe that I caused, I thought me and Ellisons were a done game but no. I have another chance. I have another chance to do all my wrongs right, I have a chance to get back what I lost, I have a chance to earn and maybe, I have a chance with Rosa. 

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Hey Guys, that was a pretty short chapter but since a lot of you are enjoying Connor's pov, I want to keep you all satisfied. Hope you like this chapter, thanks a lot for reading. Thank you so much for the support rendered all these days. Stay tuned for more chapters. LOVE YA'LL, STAY GRACIOUS<3