Lacey Foster --The Fosters--

(4) I am not pretending

-Callie-

I hopped out of the shower and quickly dried myself. I heard someone come in and I secretly hoped it would be Lacey. I got into a fresh pair of jeans and a jumper. I walked out and saw Mama standing there. "I thought you would be at work?" I whispered and she sat down the bed.

"I called in sick." Mama whispered and I frowned. "You need your Mama."

"I am alright." I whispered as I sat next to her and she pushed some wet hair out of my face. She looked at me with that I-know-you-are-not-alright face. "Lacey is the one who is struggling. And I was going to take her out and see if Sophia is alright."

"Callie, you got to stop this." Mama ordered softly as she took both my hands into hers. "What about thinking about yourself in all this? You are the one who has cancer! Not everybody else."

"I said I was alright." I said with attitude and stood up angrily. Mama got up and took hold of me.

"No, you are not!" She said softly as she wrapped her arms around me as I put my head on her shoulder. "Please, don't push me away or your Mum. Or even your father. You are still our daughter. And we are the ones who look after you. You don't have to pretend with us."

"I-I am not pretending." I whispered with a sigh. "I am just blocking out the fact that I might be dying." Tears fell down my eyes. "And right now, I just want everything to be normal before I have to be admitted into hospital for god knows how long. And I want to spend every moment with the people I love before I feel everything that Cancer brings."

"Callie." She whispered as she kept rubbing my back. "Please cry." And I did just that even if ugly sounds came out. I cried and cried until I felt the world collapse around me.

-Lacey-

I ate my lunch and looked at Daddy who was looking at papers. "Daddy?" He looked up and took his glasses off.

"Yes, baby?" He whispered and I swallowed quickly.

"I didn't mean it." I said softly as I pushed my cup and plate away. "I want Mama."

"I know you do. I want her too." He replied with a sad smile.

"I will clean the wall..." I said softly as I got off my chair but he came quickly and bent down to my height.

"I am not mad and Mama isn't either." He said as he took me into his arms and carried me to the lounge as he sat me down on his lap. "You are allowed to be angry and upset. So is everybody else especially Mama."

"Why is this different from a cold?" I whispered and he looked away then looked back at me.

"Because this isn't a cold." He explained clearly and softly. "It's a disease." I looked at him confused and he shook his head, and muttered something under his breath. "How can I even begin to explain this when I don't even understand it myself."

"It's okay." I said as I hopped off his knee. "Mama is sick and she needs me by her side. I did something wrong and I need to say sorry." I ran upstairs and went passed my room. I stopped and saw Grandma Stef scrubbing the wall. I walked in slowly. I dropped down next to her and sighed.

"I won't do it again." I said quickly looking at her then looked away.

"Slugabug, I am not mad." She whispered as she put her arm around. "I might take away your crayons and textas for a bit but I know that the past 24 hours has been hard on you. But, you are going to be okay, just like your Mama."

"Will I still be able to see her?" I whispered as I looked at Grandma Stef. She giggled.

"Of course!" She said then I got up.

"I need to see Mama but after that, I will help." I said as I kissed her cheek.

"No worries, baby." She said with a wink. "You just give your Mama love." I nodded and ran to her room. I knocked but Grandma Lena opened the door. I looked past her and saw Mama asleep. I looked up at Grandma Lena for permission and she nodded as she moved so I could go.

"She needs you now more than ever." Grandma Lena whispered as she planted a kiss on my head and walked out. "Call if you or Mama needs something." I nodded and she closed the door leaving the afternoon light coming through the window. I climbed onto the bed and put my arms around her. She slurred and put her arms around me.

"I love you, Mama." I whispered as she kissed my forehead.

"I love you too, baby girl." She said then snores came out her mouth and I closed my eyes for a nap.

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