My own live

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Slowly I woke up. My head hurt like hell. I tried to open my eyes, but a bright light blinded me. Where, where was I? Something began to beep. I tried to open my eyes a little wider.

"John?"
A familiar voice.
"John, are you awake?"
Mrs Hudson.
I finally managed to open my eyes. I raised my head slightly, but the stabbing pain that went through my throat made me drop it immediately. I was in a white room. There was a bed. This environment was very familiar to me. Now I noticed, I was in St Barth's hospital.

"John, can you hear me?"
"Yes, hello Mrs Hudson"
I looked down at myself. I had a tube going up my nose. My hands were attached to the bed.
"Why is that? Why can't I move? Mrs Hudson wanted to answer but suddenly a tall man in scrubs came into the room.

"Well, Mr Watson, anyone would feel the way you do now after several hours lying in the street in the constant rain with a drugged body. Maybe next time you'll pay a little more attention to the dosage instructions," he said with a sarcastic undertone, "The arm cuffs are to keep the tube where it is and prevent you from pulling it out of your nose in a fit of withdrawal. I wouldn't recommend that, by the way, because that would do you a lot of harm. Be glad that you are still alive at all."

With these words he turned and leaves.
"That was the senior doctor," Misses Hudson said.
"How did I get here?"
"A boy found you. Oh John what did you do? Luckily it wasn't too late. He called an ambulance and they took you straight to the intensive care unit."
She put her arm on mine. I didn't know what to say.
"John, why..."
She didn't get any further, I interrupted her immediately.
"Why? You are asking why?", I was louder than I meant to be," you're really asking why? Now all of a sudden everyone is interested in me or what? They should have just let me die! Then I'd be with Sherlock now! Nobody understands me here!"

I wanted to tear my hands loose and pull the tube out of my nose, but I was too weak.
"John Watson!" Mrs Hudson had a look of fear on her face.
I felt sorry for her now, I had not wanted to shout at her like that.
Suddenly the senior doctor came back.
"Mr Watson!"
He must have heard me. Probably everyone heard me.
"How dare you?!"
He tightened my bonds again.
"I don't want to hear another word from you! I've had enough from people like you!"
As quickly as he came, he was gone.
"I'm really sorry, Mrs Hudson, I didn't mean to shout at you -"

"John Watson, what's the matter with you? An overdose? You're right, I don't understand you. I don't understand why you don't want to live. Taking your own life. Taking it from who? Once it's over, it's not you who will miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everyone else. Your live is not your own, keep your hands off it!"

"Shut up, Mrs Hudson! Leave. me. alone !" Shit, I yelled again.
I jerked to the side, turned my back on her.
"John, what are you doing?"
She got up from her chair and went to the door. Now she turned to me once more.
"John Watson, think of the people who care for you. Think of your friends, of Harriet, are you really going to do this to us?"
"Aaaaaarg! She don't give a damn about me! Don't talk about my sister!"

"Oh my God John! You're really on withdrawal! I won't do that to myself, but I'll tell you one thing John Watson, it can't go on like this, I'll be back."
She turned around and left my room.

My pulse went up, I felt the anger gathering inside me.
Harry! She was the last one who would be interested in me. She was sinking into alcohol, had became more than addicted and has destroyed not only her relationship with Clara but also with me.

And anyway, it was my life! My friends? They would light a candle on my grave, nothing more. I would be forgotten and exist only subconsciously in people's minds.

A device started beeping faster and faster, it had to be measuring my rapid pulse. I screamed and tried to free my arms.
"The tube in my nose itches! Get it out or I'll do it myself. "
I pulled my arms forward and tried to free myself, but my hands were too firmly attached to the bed.
"This is sick! Untie me right now!"

The doctor came into my room.
"Mr Watson! What's sick here is you! The tube is vital, calm down!"
I shouted at him.
"Shut up! Let me out of here! I want to be released immediately!"
The doctor came closer and leaned on my bed.
"Now listen to me, you will stay here until you are clean and no longer a danger to yourself and others. Do you understand me?"
I had the urge to punch him in the face.
"Oh shut up! Are you Anderson's father or what?! I am clean! Let me out!"

The doctor just shook his head and went to the door.
"I wouldn't have expected that from you, Dr Watson. Besides I have a daughter, her name is not Anderson, she's called Kyla. And I will protect her from guys like you. Aggressive and ignorant. Have a grat day."
He turned and closed the door.

That hurt.

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