𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒃𝒚𝒆 [Kenma x Reader]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒃𝒚𝒆 ⌫

⋆The grave of Robert Didsbury featuring "La Douleur" by Mme Didsbury

☾*✲⋆.
⚠️suicide/death, sh
By the time I went back inside, all his things were gone. He left me.
To get him back I must find me. I'm not sure I ever knew who I was.

It's harder to breathe when I'm away from his presence.

♥⌫

I lost track of time and days, but I'd say it's been around three days since he left.
I decide to get out of bed for the first time since he's gone.

I go into the bathroom and with my stomach growling and my head spinning from the lack of nutrition I spot the oh so familiar blade.

That's all I can remember about me. The pain I've grown used to, the pain that always comforted me, the pain that became a part of me.

I grab the blade with one thing on my mind: to find the old me he fell in love with.
Too bad that me wasn't much better than the me I am now.

I press it against my arm and slide it down a bit. The feeling of euforia is still the same. The distracting pain is still the same. The blood that comes out is still the same, except that it looks weaker. It doesn't flow as strongly.
I make another cut, due to not being satisfied with the previous one. This time even deeper.

I smile, again, feeling weak, frail and shaky.

The sink is covered in red, the blood won't stop.

Shit, I think I went too deep.
They always say "the third is the last". That last "goodbye" he said to me was the third and there won't be another one, for it seams this is the end.

I feel more and more weak as my vision blurs.
I fall against the wall I used to lean on for comfort. I slide down, just like last time.

My phone is on the ground, waiting for me. I reach it and tap the first contact on my favourites.

As soon as the other line picks up I say "I love you, sorry."
My voice sounds weaker than ever. It sounds dry and desperate, as if it belongs to someone who has been fighting for so long and is now giving up, at last.

I'm not sure but I think I started to cry as soon as I realised there is no saving me, it's too late.
I couldn't keep pressure on the wound.

The same familiar voice keeps coming from the phone but I can't make out any words. Perhaps it's something among the lines of "y/n? Are you ok? What did you do? Can you hear me? I'm getting you help right away. Please stay with me."
Or maybe that's just what I wish that soft male voice was saying to me.

As I close my eyes I try to ignore the pain.
I think of the two people who helped me during this sad and pathetic thing I call my life.

Kuroo, who seamed genuinely interested in me for who I was, with no ulterior motives. Who seamed to care for me just as much as he would for a family member or a best friend.

And Kenma, the person I loved more than myself and the person who loved me more than anyone else.
He was worth living for, he made my life worth living. I still feel like I owe him so much. Instead this is what I do.
I cause him pain, worry, stress; and soon, grieve.
I can't apologize enough for this. I just hope one day he'll forgive me, maybe even forget me and find someone better and more worthy of him.

I never deserved to be happy or loved.

Death has always been the best option for me. I just spent my life hoping that someone like him showed me it was not.

ꨄꨄ

Hey there you sexy bitches!
It's me again, your author.
If you struggle with thoughts like this, I have the solution for you:
Don't! 😌 /j

You can vent in the comments if you need. Please let suicide be the very last option. Keep trying, keep fighting.
You'll realise it's worth it one day.
If you feel like no one loves you, I do.

Imma quote something real quick.
This is what I want to say to you suicidal bitches:
"I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you."

-V for vendetta (movie - 10/10 recommend)