𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒃𝒚𝒆 [Kenma x Reader]

𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒚 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒂 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 ⌫

☾*✲⋆.
I wake up, once again with a headache and someone laying next to me. The differences are that I know the person next to me that today isn't a school day.

I repeat yesterday's morning, which has been a routine for a few days already.

Once that's done I sit at the kitchen table figuring out what to do.

Did I just ruin a potencial friendship? Will we stay friends? I think I got quite attached with just one afternoon.

I sip from my coffee and look around.
I'm surrounded by the same walls, I'm holding the same cup, drinking the same coffee. Everyday feels the same. Nothing ever changes, it's dull, it's monotone, it's a loop, it's a living hell.
Today may be different. Today may break the cycle.

I get so lost in my thoughts that I don't notice Kenma walked in the kitchen and took a sit across from me.

I feel my hands empty and look at him. He's drinking from my cup.

I didn't say anything. I wasn't sure what to say. I was just hoping he'd say something.

But he didn't. He finished drinking my coffee, looked at me in an unreadable way, grabbed his things and left.

I would have let him stay. Why didn't he?
No words were spoken, no gestures or looks, not a single form of communication took place here.

I took this as 'we'll be avoiding each other from now on, it was nice knowing you'.

I don't know if that's what he meant, though. That moment his eyes met mine, there wasn't coldness, there wasn't a wall coming in between us, there wasn't comfort. It was empty. It was an empty glare of let's leave the future in the future, but for now, goodbye.

Perhaps he just feels as confused as me.

I sigh and brush it off as I prepare another cup of coffee.

♥time-skip to the end of the day⌫

Today I tried to get my shit together and clean my house. Unfortunately, that ended in me laying on the floor along with my mess, contemplating life after turning off the music because it was way too energetic for me at the moment.

I get up and check my phone for something. All I find is a new YouTube video from someone I follow.
I put it back down.

⚠️Sh
(Feel free to skip and come back when you see this emoji: 🍄)

I go into the bathroom and my eyes lend on a blade.
It's been used before and thrown into the sink as it became a future problem.

I gently grab it and press it against my wrist, sliding it horizontally a few inches.

I close my eyes for a while to feel the numbness going away. It might be just me, but doing this feels like releasing bad spirits or any kind of negative energy.
Whenever I feel stressed out, it somehow calms me down. Sometimes drama happens and it distracts me from the shit going on.

There's something about the stinging feeling I get as the blood comes out of my body forced out of the new opening by my veins, my heart is too strong and powerful for my blood to stay calmly rotating all over my body forever. It needs to come out and be set free.

The fresh blood gathers around the new wound. A few drops roll off my wrist and down my hand, to then fall into the sink, staining it with very thin strings of red.

I drop the blade back into the sink and put some water running.

"Fuck! There go my four days, right down the drain." I scold myself as I try washing the cut off of my arm; looking at it makes me feel guilty and weak. I should be stronger, I shouldn't feel the need to do this to myself.

🍄(skip the next paragraph as well if you don't like mentions of blood)

I slowly find my way back on the floor. I lean against the bathroom wall and stay like that waiting for the blood to dry along with the tears that I can't keep from falling out of my eyes.

I don't know how much time I spent sitting here but as I get my head away from my knees I notice it's dark outside. I try composing myself in the mirror. A failed attempt to be honest.

I was hoping to look presentable to go get some food since I didn't eat all day. I grab my wallet and keys before making my way towards the door.

As my hand is trying to reach the handle, someone knocks.

I'm hesitant to open, but I eventually do.
The figure in front of me is tall, has bed hair and is dressed in a wet tracksuit.

ꨄꨄ

My darlings,
It's me, your author <3
I just want you to know that, if you are struggling with self harm, no matter how much time you've been sh free for - could be a minute or less, could be a year or more - I'm so proud of how far you've gotten.
Keep fighting, prove you won't go down easily. You are amazing and worthy of anything good that comes into your life.

I love you with all my heart and I am sure I'm not the only one.

Have a nice night/day/wtv! ♡