Perfect Love

Chapter 8

Bon-Hwa woke up early. In truth, he hadn't slept much that night. He had spent most of the night watching Karina's chest rising and falling as she slept. Despite his poor sleep, he felt refreshed and invigorated. Making love to her had been so much more than he had dared to dream. He just hoped she hadn't been disappointed. In all fairness, it had been his first time, and he was concerned if he had done it right. But he took heart in knowing that her vocalizations seemed to be encouraging.

Now, as he stood in front of the stove, stirring pollack stew, he hoped that he had been enough for her. He had remembered his cousin's advice on sex had always been "Don't be selfish." So, he had tried to follow that advice.

When Karina shuffled out to the kitchen in her bunny slippers with her hair all mussed from sleep, he smiled at her. She didn't smile back, but he chalked it up to the early hour. She slid in beside him to reach the coffee pot. She poured herself a cup. Bon-Hwa was a little concerned now because she had yet to look him in the eyes or greet him.

"Good morning, sunshine," he said cheerily, to which Karina mere nodded and grunted. "Sit down and have some breakfast," he instructed as he put a steaming bowl of pollack stew in front of her.

"Thanks," she said as she stared at the nearly boiling stew.

"Don't you like pollack stew?" he asked, concern written on his handsome features.

"No, I do. It's fine," she replied. "I just think we need to talk about last night. What happened ---."

"Was amazing," Bon-Hwa finished her sentence.

Karina shook her head. "I was going to say that what happened was a mistake," she said.

Bon-Hwa was sure he felt the Earth move a little as everything went blurry around him. He thought he could still hear Karina talking, but her voice sounded far away.

"So, that's why I think we shouldn't do it again," she concluded her speech, very little of which Bon-Hwa had actually heard.

"Was it really that bad?" he asked her, focusing hard on keeping his eyes from spilling over with tears that had already begun to form in them. "It's true that it was my first time, but I know, if you give me another chance, I could do better," he promised.

Karina's eyes were wide open, a bit stunned to hear it had been his first time. She found it odd that a man as handsome as he was hadn't left a string of broken hearts behind him. It was clear, however, that he had misinterpreted her insistence that they never do it again to mean that he had not performed well. In all actuality, he had done exceptionally well. He needn't worry about that, but yet, here he was, with that expectant child-like face, hoping she would change her mind.

"It wasn't that. You were great. Honestly. But didn't you hear that whole speech I just gave about why we shouldn't do it again?" she inquired.

Bon-Hwa shook his head. "Honestly, you lost me after you said it was a mistake. After that, all I could hear was this high-pitched squealing noise," he admitted.

Karina didn't know how to respond to that. So, she just pressed forward with her point. "It's just that I was feeling very emotional last night. I felt very unattractive and fat. I didn't intend to seduce you. I swear, that wasn't the reason why I went to your room," she defended. "I just wanted to talk to you."

"You wanted to talk?" he asked in utter disbelief. "You kissed me. You started it, and now you want me to believe that it's not what you wanted?"

"I'm not saying it wasn't what I wanted in that moment. I'm just saying that it wasn't my intention to seduce you when I went to your room."

"So, that part came later?" he asked sarcastically. "Because I distinctly remember you kissing me, pressing up against me, moaning. That was you, right?" he asked rhetorically. "Because the woman I went to bed with last night is not the same one I have in front of me right now," he observed between gritted teeth.

"Look, I understand why you're upset," Karina said.

"Oh, you do?" he countered. "Because I'm pretty sure you don't. I'm pretty sure you don't know how much I want you to be my wife, how much I want your baby to be mine. I don't think you get that at all." When his voice cracked, he stopped speaking. Karina reached out to touch his arm, but he pulled away sharply.

"Don't you dare touch me," he warned her in quiet determination. "You have no right --- none at all to touch me," he added, meeting her eyes with his that had become steely and hardened. Karina had never seen that look on his face before, and she hoped to never see it again. It was truly terrifying, not because she thought he would hurt her. She knew he would never do that. But that hard-as-flint face meant that he was more than angry. He was done. He was done with the seesaw of emotions she had taken him on. She did feel sorry for him, seeing him in that state, but she knew that prolonging the inevitable would only hurt him more.

"Sometimes you've gotta be cruel to be kind," she told herself silently.

Bon-Hwa turned on his heel and left the kitchen without ever having eaten the stew he had made. Karina did not see him the rest of the day. She assumed he had left the house as she heard no stirrings of life anywhere in the vast space they called home. Karina spent the day, rehashing the conversation in her head. She regretted hurting him. She particularly regretted taking his first time from him. His first time should have been with a woman who loved him. She knew that, and she was sorry, but she had to stand her ground, or he would only end up being hurt more.

Karina stayed in the house all day, except for a short trip to the mailbox where she found a manila envelope with official court documents. G Dragon was suing her for custody of a baby who hadn't even been born yet. She wasn't sure if he could legally do that, but yet, here they were. She threw the papers down on the coffee table. She kept watching the clock on the wall, hoping Bon-Hwa would come back. She wanted to apologize again, and to get his take on the custody suit. Eventually, however, exhaustion took over and she fell asleep on the couch.

At about 1:00 AM, Karina was awaked. She heard a lot of shuffling and grunting at the doorway. Bon-Hwa was standing just inside the door, struggling to get his shoes off. Karina approached him and immediately smelled soju.

"Did you drink?" she asked him, hoping to return to something resembling normal dialog between them. Bon-Hwa didn't answer but pushed past her and started back the hall toward his room. Karina caught him by the arm. He said nothing, but merely glared at her hand until she removed it, stepping back slightly.

"I'm glad you're home," she ventured, to which Bon-Hwa merely grunted. "I missed you," she went on.

Bon-Hwa turned toward her fully and asked, "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to know that you were okay," she said. "I wanted to apologize again for --- for ---," she stopped, not knowing how to express what it was that she had done to him.

"For using me like your plaything," Bon-Hwa filled in. For a moment, Karina's face looked stricken. He almost regretted his words until he pulled himself together again and said, somewhat more gently, "You need to rest. Go to bed already."

"I would, but I'm worried because G Dragon has sued me for custody of the baby. I didn't even know you could sue for custody before the baby was born," she went on. Bon-Hwa just shrugged. "I just don't want him raising this baby," she continued.

Bon-Hwa stared at her like a man without a soul. "That sounds like a you problem," he said flatly as he stepped into his room and closed the door behind him.