The Payphone (Ateez Oneshots)

"I hate myself..."

"H-Hello?"

"Fix on."

"W-What?"

"Fix Song Mingi here."

A lazy drawl entered the caller's ears.

"O-oh, am I interrupting something? I'm sorr-"

"Nah, I was enjoying a football game and some beer which means I technically am drinking on the job which isn't allowed. You're perfectly fine though. Heck if you hadn't called me then Seonghwa would have thrown my precious whiskey away which would be worse."

"I thought you were drinking beer?"

"Oh did I say whiskey? Well, both make me fucking dope so where's the difference?"

Inside the office Park, Seonghwa sent a death glare toward Mingi while making a phone call himself. His stare said, "Drink another sip of that devil's water and I'll make sure San steals all your alcohol!" 

"Um is everything alright there?"

"Yeah yeah, no worries. Sometimes people have their heads up other people's asses for no reason." 

Mingi made sure to say it loud enough for his hyung to hear and to make Hongjoong flush in embarrassment. 

"Anyways, what's up my guy."

"Ah well, I'm an Asian dude right."

"Alrighto."

"I have a crush on this girl. We've been kinda hitting it off with successful dates and a few kisses. I really think she's super smart, sexy, and kind and she reciprocates my feelings."

"Ah good for you man! So did you guys fuck?"

He smirked at Seonghwa's horrified stare whereas Hongjoong merely rolled his eyes and continued on his paperwork.

"Yeah so about that. We were getting really steamy up there. I made sure to set up the scented candles, turn up some you know, slow and snazzy jazz music, and shave. Like I wanted this to be special."

"And?"

"Well it was past 9. I waited for a few minutes thinking she'd be late or something. Then minutes turned into an hour and a text came by.."

His voice became dejected.

"Aw man, that sucks. Don't need to go further if you don't want to."

"I-I guess she just didn't see me as that kind of person. She texted that she wouldn't come because Asian guys had small dicks or something and that she preferred white guys in terms of sex..."

"Oh man...I wish I could give you a drink."

"Yeah...normally I'm confident and all but damn...that just shattered my ego."

"Hey, buddy. You know what? She doesn't know how fucking long your schlong is. Who is she to judge?"

"I mean yeah but-"

"And don't worry about white guys being your competition because you're caucasian too."

"I-I'm full Japanese."

"No I meant you're still caucasian because you're an Asian with a cock."

"Oh...for some weird reason that sounds validating in a good way."

"No prob buddy. Wear that dick like a pride flag."

BEEP

After the call ended Mingi writes his report within five minutes, ignoring all the red squiggly lines under certain words appearing on his computer screen.

He pressed the print button with his bottle cap opener and handed it over to Seonghwa.

The male with glasses gave him a weary glance as he inspected it twice. Mingi found it amusing how his face first turned into horror, then into subdued horror, and finally into horrified disgust. 

He handed Mingi's report back with a pained smile that fought back the creeping tears. Nearly every word was highlighted in red, and some parts of the paper were nearly ripped from the aggressive scratches.

"Thank you Mingi, for making me lose faith in humanity again," he choked.

The tall male could only chuckle as he skipped to the refrigerator, tossing his report towards his desk while ignoring where it actually flew to.

Fetching his tenth beer bottle of the week he turned around and gave a cheeky grin to his superior.

"Hey, I'm a functioning alcoholic for a reason."

He fetched two more bottles and gave one of each to his hyungs.

"Also Hyung, try to loosen up once for a while. A great way to destress yourself would be to stick your face in Hongjoong's ass."

"I mean," Hongjoong gladly accepted the drink, "he's not wrong..."

A/N: Unedited and Unhinged