Hope, love, death, a story about Leena Klammer.

Hope, love, death Part 4

Day 23 of my escape.I was on a road with little traffic. It may be surprising, but even I have a driver's license.Not that it would do me much good now, after all, I was a wanted murderer.However, there was one thing I didn't understand.There was nothing about me in the news, nothing in the papers.Shit, it was as if nothing had happened.All the while, I wondered what they wanted.Maybe they wanted to lull me into a sense of safety, maybe they were afraid I'd kill people if they pressured me.Damn it, I was so sick of it!All the time I was being treated like I am stupid.Like being sick and crazy.Even at school I was treated like trash.Everyone made fun of me.I was beaten up, kicked and spat at.Not a day went by that I wasn't bullied.But that was over now!No one would make fun of me with impunity anymore!I had a goal, I wanted a family, and I would make everything better.I would never leave my family alone, like my mother, or hurt my child.And anyone who would stand in my way, I would eliminate.Just like they had been trying to get rid of me for years.Like an amateur whore I was used for years, like a puppy I was kept on a leash, and when I became bored my father just threw me away like a piece of paper!Yes, he deserved to die!And when I thought about these things, I felt this longing again, I can't explain it.It's like a kind of longing.I longed for my father, not for him directly, but for his body.For his warm breath on my skin.For his fingers that always caressed me so firmly.It was crazy, on one side I felt this boundless hatred, on the other side I longed for love and sex.I became unfocused and almost went off the road, I tried to regain a clear thought.I began to relax a little. Suddenly I heard a siren behind me.I looked in the rearview mirror and said to myself."You've got to be kidding me!!!"But this time something was different.When I was taken away the night I killed Dad, I was anxious and sad, I was scared.But this time I was suddenly calm, relaxed, even though I felt like I had swallowed a cocktail of anger, hatred and sadness just before. I couldn't explain it to myself.Finally, I pulled over.The police car parked about 10 meters behind me.A police officer got out and slowly but surely moved towards my car.He signaled me to roll down the window."Good morning, Mam, can you give me your license and registration?"I answered instinctively and without thinking."Was I speeding?""No, Mam, there's nothing wrong, it's just," he paused for a moment, "your left taillight is broken."All I could think was, "A broken taillight?A broken taillight that threatens to expose me?"I handed the police officer the vehicle registration."And your driver's license, Mam?""Oh, I think I left it at home."The policeman snorted, "All right, I guess," he held up the airplane papers, "I guess this will do.Just a moment, please."He moved away from the car for a moment and seemed to be talking to someone on the walkie-talkie.He turned to me and looked at me as if he had seen a ghost.He came back and looked nervous, "It's okay Mam, have a good trip, but don't forget to change the taillight.""Thank you, officer."Now I was in the middle of shit.And why?Well, the car was stolen!I had to come up with something clever.I went over the whole route I had come up with in my mind's eye.Where would they try to catch me?I went over this question again and again.I decided to stop in the next town called Tartu.Of course, I knew that my pursuers would have the same idea.I still couldn't believe it, I was almost out of the country, 100 km separated me from the Russian border from where it would be easier to leave Europe, and then a broken taillight fucks me over?It was still quiet, but it wouldn't be long before I was trapped like a rat in a cage.Tartu is big by Estonian standards, but not in a larger context.It wouldn't be long before they had me.I had to come up with something. Damn, it was exasperating, I wandered around the city for 30 minutes, but I couldn't think of anything that could help me.I went to a side street and stopped in front of a car.It looked expensive.I became so angry.Whoever owned this car seemed to be doing well!And me?I was unhappy and lost my temper.I grabbed a rock and hit the car.I hear a voice behind me getting closer and closer.