That wasn’t meant to happen!!!
____________________________________________________________________
I heard Ares walk into the room but I couldn’t bear to look at him. I could already tell what he was going to say. “I’m sorry baby, but remember it wasn’t your fault!” That’s one of the hardest things. When they try to comfort you and say “Everything is going to be alright” but NO. NO THERE NOT!! Don’t people get that? Things will never go back to normal. I’ve been threw it all, all the flowers all the cards, the relatives coming over as families one by one and say they will be there for you but when that was the only time you get a visit. They say “We’ll call every week to see how you’re doing” I never got a call, not even once! There faces so bright and happy but when they’re just as broken inside like me! But no that was a lie, no one knows what’s it’s like until your that close to them or watch them die right in front of you. No one can describe that feeling!
There was an awkward silence. I turned to look at him. It looked like he didn’t get a wink of sleep last night, didn’t even shower, I could smell it. He had sleep crust under his blood shot red eyes. My eyebrows started to crinkle my throat started to gage and become sore. I could barely breathe and before I new it I was chocking. Tears and sweat poured out of my face as I flung my head down. I screamed in agony. She’s gone, Jordan the girl I was never nice to, the one I was a total jerk to! I gave her dirty looks every time she made Ares laugh or was just plain nice to me. It just hit me, how hard Jordan tried for me to like her, for me to be her friend. I never noticed the compliments she gave me every time I saw her. Even on my hardest times when people thought I needed to be alone when I actually needed someone the most, she would say hello or try to start a conversation. Now she’s dead and I just pushed her away like many other people.
I’m sorry Jordan!
I cried and cried when I wanted to stop because it was hurting to much, more came out. Ares began to walk over to my bed where I was drowning in my green and blue covers.
“I know princess, I know” he whispered softly as he sat next to me with his arms around my waist.
“I KNOW, I KNOW. That’s all you say!! What the hell do you know; she hung around me, Jordan was in my group, I went to her birthday parties, I slept over at her house did I not? What do YOU know! YOU HAVE NEVER LOST SOMEONE, LIKE AN ACTUALL PERSON!! NOT YOUR BLOODY CAT FLUFF BALLS!!!”I pushed him off me with fury and anger. Tears streamed down my face as I began to yell!!!
“Ares come on, tell me!!! TELL ME, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?”
“OK do you want hear what I know? I know that you didn’t even like HER!! But I did, I liked her, I liked her a lot!!”HE said a little bit louder stepping towards me.
“EXUCUSE ME says the one who said she was annoying and called you Calum remember?”He was lying to me straight to my face!
“You no why I lied because you didn’t like her I wanted you to like me cause we both agreed on something! Jezz Dakota don’t you know anything!” He was making no sense.
“Sorry Ares I’m not a mind reader!”I screamed. “If you liked her that much than why don’t you go out with her?” I said a little bit quieter.
“I would…” he said he looked at the ground.
“And why cant you” I yelled. I went too far I totally forgot about it. It just came out of my mouth like a bullet out of a gun. It can’t come back.
“She’s DEAD” His head basically dropped to the ground. Ares slowly took steps back towards the door, he turned around and I could hear him softly crying.
“Ares” I’ve done it I’ve pushed him away like all the others. “Ares I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I meant that, Ares!” I grabbed his shoulder and forced him with all my strength for him to turn and look at me. He flung his shoulder forward away from me and kept walking. He left them room in a bang.
The door swung back and forth until it laid open and standing there was my mum. She had tears in her eyes, her hair was all crazy. She looked disappointed in me. I slammed the door in her face before she said anything to me. I slothed back into my bed and buried myself into a sea of darkness and sadness.
“Dakota” Suzie (mum) whispered threw the door.
“Go away”… I was waiting for her to say to me ‘manners’ but I beat her before she said anything! “please!” I said rudely.
I’m a pusher, I push away the people I love must. And right there in front of me was evidence that I was to afraid to look into. I just lost the second most person I love and pushed away the person that means most to me.
That wasn’t meant to happen.
