Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

8

I yawn and stretch my arms over my head. I sit up and look around the room. What time is it?

I look at my phone. Shit! I overslept. I have to be at work in forty minutes. I jump out of bed. A picture of a crying baby on my wall call my attention. I furrow my eyebrows. Why would I buy something that tacky? For my bedroom, nevertheless?

In the back of my head, I can hear a voice. It's like a shadow of something resembling a memory.

"For God's sake Niall, how many times do I have to tell you? No one wants a painting of a crying baby in the bedroom. It's creepy."

I shake my head in confusion. Who was that? I didn't recognize the voice. Did Niall put that up? I have to ask him about it. Why would he do that?

I hurry to get dressed. I run to the subway station and manage to catch the 07.14 train. Phew! I won't be late for work. I take a seat and search my bag for my book. My Policeman. I have read it twenty times by now. I still love it.

The boys text me on my lunch break and ask if I want to watch the game together. I agree easily and we decide to watch it at my place. I have the biggest apartment. I have no idea why I have a two-bedroom apartment. Thinking of it, I can't even remember moving in there. That's odd. I used to live in a smaller one a couple of houses away. I guess I wanted the space. Pretty stupid since I've been single forever.

I get home and make something to eat. The guys show up at seven. We turn on the tv and drink a beer.
"So what did you do yesterday, Harry?" Liam asks.

I furrow my eyebrows. I can't remember.
"Uhm, I don't know. Nothing exciting apparently. I probably went to bed early." I shrug.

They exchange a look.
"Alright." Liam smiles. He looks sad. I shrug it off.

"That reminds me, there's a poster of a crying baby in my bedroom. Did you put it there, Niall?" I ask in amusement.

Niall's reaction is odd. He stares at me with his mouth falling open.
"Yes!" He shouts excitedly.

"Why would you hang a poster of a crying baby in my bedroom? It's kind of creepy." I chuckle.

His eyes flicker.
"Ehm, right, eh, as a joke?"

"Your sense of humor is astonishing sometimes. The game is on." I laugh and turn to the tv.

We watch the game. Arsenal wins. It's a good day. The guys head home and I get ready for bed. I double-check that I set my alarm before I slip under the duvet. I'm exhausted.

The next morning I get to the 07.14 train in time. I look around the platform looking for something. Someone. I have no idea who. It's like an echo in the wind. Fleeing. I can't really grasp it. Man, I really need a vacation.

We go out clubbing on Saturday. I have fun but I think I'm getting too old for this. I rather be at home watching a movie snuggled up in a blanket. I'm tired of being single. Maybe it's time to put myself out there? I've never been a fan of casual dating. Too much work. You spend hours getting ready for a decent meal at least. The guy ends up not being worth it. I get my hopes up that maybe this time it will be different but I'm always left disappointed. I'm not getting any younger. I dream about having a family. Maybe my standards are too high? Is it too much to ask for someone who you can laugh with? Talk to? Someone nice?

In the week that follows I find myself searching the crowd every time I wait for the train. I always take the second cart. I recognize most of the people in it. Humans are creatures of habit.

I read My Policeman. It's comforting. I have come to realize that I must have sleepwalked through big parts of the last three years. Most of it is a blur. Nothing exciting must have happened. I really have to make some life changes. Life is supposed to be more than sleep, eat, work, and an occasional beer with the guys.

I've been in a funky mood. I have nothing to be sad about. Life is good. Pretty boring sometimes but I have nothing to complain about. A feeling of sadness washes over me from nowhere. It's weird.

I watch The Notebook on repeat. Strange obsession. It gets me every time. It's a sad movie. The ending kills me. Every time. But one particular scene makes me burst out crying out of nowhere. It's not even a sad scene. It's a cute one. Allie and Noah are on a beach and they have that "I'm a bird" dialogue. Usually, it makes me smile. Now? I'm sad. So, so sad.

I'm a sucker for romance. Too bad there's a serious lack of it in my life. Maybe I'm just feeling lonely? I really have to dip my toe in the dating pool.

While I eat an uninspiring dinner I make a Tinder profile. I can at least try it out?

I spend an hour choosing a picture. Another hour writing and editing my profile before I give up and remove Tinder. Deep sigh. Time for bed.

I'm running a little late the next day but I manage to catch the 07.14 train. I take a seat and search for my book. Then I remember that I left it on the nightstand.

I let out a sigh and fix my fringe. I look up. Blue eyes meet mine. Oh, super cute guy! I wonder if he's gay? Single? I shake my head slightly. Desperate much?

I can't help it. My eyes involuntary dart in his direction. Every time I glance at him our eyes meet. He's looking at me too! The next time it happens I smile at him. He returns the smile. There's something familiar with him. Have we met somewhere before? I can't remember. He's gorgeous! I would definitely remember if I had seen him somewhere before.

I glance out the window. My station is next. My 23 minutes of enjoying the view of a gorgeous stranger are up.