Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

2

I'm running on the fumes of anger. If I stop for a second and think it through I might change my mind and I can't have that. The breakup was devastating enough. I've been fucking miserable. Sad. So, so sad.

I thought he was too. I imagined that he was as miserable and heartbroken as I am, that we were in this together. I had the delusional hope that he would realize that we were better off together. That he would come back to me. Instead, he fucking deleted my existence. Erased three years of relationship permanently from his brain. Like we don't matter. Well, fuck him! I don't want to be alone with the memories of us.

I find an address for the company. I run away from it all. Niall's protests ringing in my ears. If Louis is better off not knowing me, I sure as hell don't want to know him either. I want to erase him. Just like he erased me. I thought the breakup was the worst thing that could happen. This is disastrous. So hurtful. Beyond belief.

It doesn't surprise me that he has found a way to avoid heartbreak. Quick fix. Cheating the system. Well, I sure as hell won't spend another minute crying my heart out for someone who regrets ever meeting me. So much that he erases the memory of me. Who does that? After everything I've done for him! I can't believe he did that. I need answers.

I step into a waiting area. A girl at the reception smiles at me.
"Welcome to Lacuna Inc. How may I help you?"

"I think my ex erased his memories of me. I need answers." I say.

Her face falls.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Sir. That information is confidential."

"Who's in charge? I want to see them now!" I growl.

She picks up the phone and makes a quick call. A couple of minutes later a middle-aged man comes rushing into the waiting room.
"I'm Dr. Johnson. Please, this way."

I follow him to an office and take a seat.
"What seems to be the problem?" Dr. Johnson asks.

"Is it true? Can you really erase people's memories?" I ask. Disbelief.

"Oh, yes!" He smiles excitedly.

"How?" I question.

"We use the latest technology to map the brain and erase unwanted memories. We help a lot of people get over their traumas." Dr. Johnson says.

"By erasing them, so they don't exist?" I wonder.

"Yes. Why should people have to suffer when they don't have to?"
Dr. Johnson says.

I sigh.
"Louis Tomlinson, has he been a patient of yours?"

"I can't discuss my patients." Dr. Johnson answers firmly.

"I know he's a patient of yours! Did he erase the memory of me? Harry Styles." I urge.

He looks at the computer. Taps.
"Mr. Tomlinson wasn't happy. He wanted to move on. That's all I can tell you."

The air leaves my lungs. He did. He erased me. Screw him.
"In that case, you have a new client. I want you to erase my memories of him."

"Alright. Fill in this form." He says and hands me a paper.

I stare at it. I find a pencil on the desk and shut off the part of my brain that screams that this is a lousy idea. An awful, bad idea. I can't feel like this anymore. I'm so sad. So, so sad. I don't have to be. I can be happy. Oblivious of the pain. An easy fix.

I fill in the form and hand it over.
"Alright. Now I'm going to record our conversation. I want you to tell me every memory you have of Mr. Tomlinson, beginning to end.

I lean back. Sigh. I start to tell him. Our first meeting on the train. It hurts. An hour later I'm done. I'm exhausted. Drained. Sad. So, so sad.
"Okay. Now you need to do the preparations. I want you to remove every item at your place that reminds you of Mr. Tomlinson. Bring it here on your next appointment. Let's see... I have a canceled appointment tomorrow. I can squeeze you in, unless you want to take some time to think this through?" Dr. Johnson says and looks at me.

"Tomorrow is perfect." I say through gritted teeth. I just want this to be over with.

"Excellent. I'll see you tomorrow at ten." Dr. Johnson smiles.

I shake his hand and leave his office. Determined. I get home and find some black garbage bags. I go through room after room. Frenzy. There's still so much of him in this apartment. His favorite tea mug. Fairy lights. Pictures. Presents. Forgotten sweater.

I throw all of it in the bags before I break down and cry. Sad. So, so sad. I'm relieved that I don't have to be. The day after tomorrow I will wake up and be happy. Oblivious.

He made sure that I have no second chance. No way to fix our broken relationship. If I would turn up on his doorstep tonight he wouldn't even recognize me. Would he?

I glance at the time. It's only three o'clock. If I leave now I can be in Doncaster by seven. I have to see it for myself. See him one last time. I grab the car keys and head out the door. Drive out of town. Leaving light pollution and a busy city behind me. I drive too fast.

I park on the street near the house. Hesitate. Then I just walk up to the door and ring the bell. My heart beats rapidly. He must remember me. There's no way a person can just be erased from someone's mind like that.

I'm nervous. Petrified. What if one of his sisters opens the door? They probably support his decision. Won't let me see him.

The door opens and it's him. Beautiful blue eyes stare into mine. I wait for them to recognize me. He looks surprised.
"Yes? May I help you?"

"Hi." I whisper. Swallow down a lump in my throat. Tears threatening to take over.

He smiles friendly.
"I'm sorry, who are you?"

My world crumbles. I stare at him. There's no sign of recognition. He treats me like a stranger. I panic.
"Ehm, Jehovah's witness. Can I talk to you about our savior Jehovah?"

I mentally facepalm. He shakes his head with an apologetical smile.
"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry that I bothered you." I mumble. I turn around quickly. I hear the door close behind me. I choke. Tears well. Oh, God. He doesn't know who I am. Three years erased. How could he do that? To me? To us?

I reach my car. Get inside. Break down. He just made my decision easier. I will erase him too. I'm sad. So, so sad.