A Court of Death || ACOTAR

10

Astryn did her goodbyes to Helion and thanked him for his kindness. He assured her that his doors would always be open to her, and gave Cassian a pointed look as if to tell him to bring her back if things didn't go well. Cassian nodded, and he quietly thanked Helion too for making sure she was safe.

The trip back to the Night Court was quiet, and Cassian knew not to try to fill the silence. Astryn was figuring out what she would say to Azriel, or anyone in the family.

They arrived at the town house, and much to Cassian's surprise, Astryn went to Rhys first.

Rhys himself was shocked to see her. He could sense Cassian's arrival, but not hers.

"You came back," he mumbled, resisting the urge to get up and cross the room to hug her. He knew from one look at her that the hug wouldn't be welcome. "I—are you staying?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly. The question she followed up with was tinged with venom. "Will I have any freedom if I do?"

"You always have freedom here," he said quietly, and something close to rage flashed through her eyes.

"That's not true and you know it," she pointed out, "if you're going to lie to me even more, I'll just leave now."

"You are free," Rhys insisted, "you've always been free in this city."

"I couldn't leave the house without an escort for a year," Astryn snapped at him, her voice raising slightly—enough to let Azriel know she was here. "Do you have any idea how that felt? I felt like I was suffocating every single day, Rhysand. And I stayed quiet about it because I knew you were having a difficult time recovering after I died and then I had to learn in a horrible way that the protection I was putting up with wasn't even for me. It was because you didn't trust me to control myself, didn't trust that I wouldn't wreck your entire city. You should remember that even when I did have a breakdown and shook the city once I made sure nothing but this house was damaged. It wasn't easy, you know. Containing that to just here, making sure everyone else was safe. Even the one time I really lost control, I didn't hurt your city. And yet you still felt the need to treat me like a threat to your people. So don't you dare lie to me and say I was always free here."

"It's my job to keep everyone here safe," Rhys forced himself to speak calmly, "I'll admit I made mistakes and I should have been honest with you, but I need you to understand that every single person in this city is my responsibility. They depend on me to keep them safe."

"I depended on you too," she spoke quietly now, "I let myself trust you. And I kept telling myself that once you had found a way to cope with seeing me die, once you got passed that, I could be free again but it was never going to happen, was it? You were going to just keep believing I was a threat to your people. How long before you decided to stop letting me go outside at all? Before me even leaving the house was too much of a threat to the people you're responsible for?"

"It would not have gone that far," he denied, his voice shaking, "I would not have ever let it go that far."

"How many times did I want to go out over the last year only to get told to wait and go the next day instead when someone could go with me?" she fired back. "It was already heading in the direction of you just never letting me leave. You might as well have just tossed me back in the cave."

"Don't you dare compare this to what they did to you," he said, voice low and hurt. "I am not like them. I didn't—I would never hurt you the way they did. You know I would never put a hand on you, or let anyone else."

Astryn only stared at him, like she didn't know what more to say than she already had.

"I'm not a monster," Rhys spoke again, breathing so ragged. "I am not a monster."