A Court of Death || ACOTAR

46

Cassian knew he had responsibilities back in the Night Court, but things were peaceful in the Middle with Astryn. Being here was easy, being there to help her heal and to do all the little daily chores with her.

But he knew he had to go home at some point. He had snuck back one night early into the time here to get clothes and gone unnoticed and hadn't been back since. Some part of him liked to imagine staying here forever. Or at least until Astryn asked him to go away, if she ever did. A quiet, peaceful life out here was an appealing idea, but it was one he couldn't commit to. War with Hybern was still coming. Cassian knew Death hadn't scared the King into abandoning this long coming war. He couldn't abandon his family to that.

Despite not wanting to, he brought it up over dinner that night with Astryn.

"I have to return to the Night Court for a couple days," he began carefully, "I'll leave tomorrow morning. I just have to make sure everyone is safe, that there are no new developments in things with Hybern. I won't be gone for too long."

"You don't have to come back," she told him, and he paused to think over a response.

"Do you not want me to come back?" he asked cautiously, trying not to let his apprehension show too much. Astryn was talking more now, showing more of herself, but he still worried that she wasn't all the way back yet. He didn't like the idea of her being alone out here for long knowing that.

"I think I'll go visit Helion," she said, "so I might not even be here if you come back. And they need you, Cassian. They need you back home."

"And you don't need me," he concluded, and it was not a question.

"I don't like needing people," she muttered with a shrug, "but thank you. For everything."

"What will you do when war comes? Just stay out here alone?" he questioned, hating the idea of it. Would she be safe? Would the King come for her again?

"I want him dead," Astryn replied, her tone empty, "the King. I want him dead. I'm not going to sit out here alone and let everyone else fight. But I don't plan on aligning myself with Rhys either."

"So, you're going to walk into a war on neither side of the conflict and try to kill a king?" he summed up, eyebrows raised.

"Yes," she answered with a nod, "he dies for what he did to me."

Cassian stared at her for a few seconds, trying to figure out how to talk her out of walking onto a battlefield alone. But he knew there was no way.

"Be careful," he said, "promise me you'll be careful."

"I promise," she assured him, for the first time since her return managing a small smile.

He let out a shaking breathe and he thought about just how much he dreaded leaving in the morning. He wasn't sure whether or not Astryn would actually go visit Helion, but he hoped she did.

The rest of the night was quiet, and Astryn shared the bed with Cassian when it came time to go to sleep. Both unsure of when they would see each other again, they clung to each other. It wouldn't be four centuries again, Cassian promised himself. It wouldn't ever be that long again. He wouldn't let it be that long, wouldn't tell himself it was for the best that he didn't show up and bring back reminders of everything she left behind. He wouldn't become something she left behind.

She watched him go when he left in the morning, and, again, he promised himself it would never be so long again. He would come back soon, and he would not let her turn him away so easily. She was his friend, for better or worse, and he refused to abandon that friendship a second time. Not after coming so close to losing her entirely.

His return to the Night Court was a little awkward. He didn't see Azriel. Rhys, Mor, and Amren didn't ask about Astryn. He hadn't expected them too, but it still stung a little. Rhys updated him on the new information they had, which wasn't much.

Azriel showed up late into the night, and he froze when he saw Cassian. Tense silence settled over them for a long few moments before Azriel spoke.

"How is she?"

Cassian was relieved that he asked. That someone asked.

"Better than she was," he told him, "not entirely healed, but better than she was. She has been talking again, and she cooks. Maintains her garden and...she's got all that together. Healing will still take time though. But she's doing better."

"Thank you," Azriel murmured with a nod. "And thank you for taking her there. I don't think she ever would have gotten better here. It's hardly anything but bad memories here."

"Talking about the bad memories is what first got a reaction from her," Cassian informed him hesitantly, "I tried to avoid the bad stuff at first but I was running out of things to ramble about and it ended up being the bad things that she reacted to first. Maybe she would have healed here eventually."

"She wouldn't have," Azriel replied, "but I do appreciate you trying to lie to me."

Cassian let out a breathy laugh and shook his head.

"Rhys didn't ask about her," he said, "neither did Mor or Amren which was more expected but...Rhys didn't ask about her."

"Rhys's way of coping with all things Astryn is just not letting himself think about her," Azriel pointed out, "he told me so himself. He couldn't ever get over the guilt, so he just stopped letting himself think about her. I doubt that has changed."

"I don't get it," Cassian confessed, "he loved hee. I know he did. Back when he first brought her home and he wanted to really be her brother so much. He loved her."

"Lack of love was never the problem," Azriel murmured, guilt and sadness in his voice, "we just...we failed to learn the right way to love her. He didn't know how. Neither did I. And on top of that I was an asshole."

Cassian laughed loudly at that, his shoulders shaking from it.

"You were," he agreed with a sad smile, "you were such an asshole."