that girl

That Girl -The Beginning

Okay well lets get this show on the road. From what you can read from the title and the description, this is my story.

I'm that girl. The boring girl that deals with anxiety and depression all the time.

I have no friends because I've decided not to make any.

I don't want to a be burden on them, or anyone, with my panic attacks and my annoying overthinking.

But besides all that, my name is Berlin Jones.

I'm an 18 year old girl living in a boring life.

I don't get out very much. My chronic anxiety controls my life too much but maybe one day, it will get better. I hope.

But I doubt it, I truly doubt it.

It seems to never go away.

I just want to be happy and have friends to do things with but I don't so I guess that's why I'm writing this story for so many people to not read it.

But oh well, to be honest.

But anyway, I'm that girl looking for my place in the world.

To be loved by someone who gets me, but I ask myself, "What is love?"

Cause I sure as heck don't know.

I never fit in. I'm not good enough to fit in. I don't even know why I even think about it.

I need to fit in.

In order to make friends or find love I have to do something.

No one would want me looking the way I do. I never do my hair or makeup. I never dress up nice.

I wear my baggy sweatpants and sweatshirts 24/7 all year around. I look like absolute crap. Maybe someday I'll change and they will all be jealous of me and want to friends with me and I'll tear them all to ground like they did me.

You know, I've always dreamed about being the beautiful girl with the attention, but I got hit the ugly broom too many times.

My sister, Bethany gets all the attention.

All the nice things, nice clothes and all the nice shoes.
Dad lets her get her hair and nails done because she's Daddys little girl and she's more important. Once again, as I say, she's his favorite girl and I'm his nothing.

I'm just his worthless daughter that he didn't want. Even my mom left me. She didn't want me either.

She bought Bethany a brand new car. You know what I got...yeah you're right...I got nothing.

She's the perfect one. Gets away with everything and I'm the one that gets locked in a room with no food, no nothing because they don't care about me.

I could leave if I truly wanted to. I have money saved up that no one knows about, thank God.

They don't know because Daddy would take it from me and give it to her.

God, I hate her.

I need to make a plan. I need to get out of here if I can.

If I get out, then maybe I'll be able to fit in somewhere in this horrible world I live in.

I could tell you my whole life story but you'll find out more as you read.

I'm too worried about figuring out how to run away from this nightmare I call my life.

But, tomorrow night is the night and if I want to do this I need to try to at least get a good night's rest.

I don't want to be overly tired for when I leave.

Anyways goodnight.