Journals From a Hokage turned Househusband

Did I Do Something Wrong?

It's been five days since I fucked up Hanami's hair. It's safe to say that she trusts me again not to make her look like she'd been through the gutter. She was hesitant, but after I 'proved myself', she isn't as hesitant. Now, she's coming home and telling me that the other girls she plays with want me to do their hair. What a turn of events!

Arashi is an angel. He's quiet....that is until Hanami disturbs him. I tell that girl every time to let him sleep but I guess she can't help it. She told me one day she never thought she'd be a big sister. I guess that's why she won't leave him alone! She's a curious one, just like me, huh..? What's really surprising is how quiet Arashi is. The other two, especially Hanami, were a handful. When I say we never got any sleep... It was bad for us newbees. All the late nights, taking turns to sooth the crying, falling asleep in their cribs cause they couldn't stand leaving my arms for awhile. I won't lie, it's a strange feeling to not be doing half of those things with Arashi-chan. I can't tell if I'm relieved or sad. Its definitely a change.

Reflecting on this whole week made me realize something. While catching up on some paperwork yesterday, I started to notice something with Shinachiku.
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Wednesday

"Oh, Shina-chan, where are you going?" I spotted him through the stacks of paper on the dinner table. Arashi giggled as he played with his building blocks on the floor. Hanami clung on to me as she slept in my arms. Kind of surprised she didn't wake up yet considering how much movement I'm making. "I haven't seen you all day."

"I was out at school. It's Thurday." He answered. I finally noticed his gear and immediately felt stupid. Of course!

"Right, right, sorry. It's just that...I haven't really seen you this whole week too much. Not until its dinner time..."

"Well, I'm still training and...you have a lot of...paperwork to do so..." He gestured to the stacks of paper in front of me. "And everything else."

"Shina-chan..." I held his sister tight and walked over to him. "I know I said that I still had work the other day but-"

He interrupted me. "It's okay, Dad, I'm used to it. I'm going hang out with my teammates."

"Shina-"

"Bye, Dad."

The disappointment in his eyes has been embedded in my mind since Monday. I should've took it right then but I was too worried about how I would deal with all this mess. What really opened my eyes was my conversation with Sakura the other night. She came home for a change of clothes and I was already up, Hanami had a nightmare and asked me to stay up with her. I just put her to sleep when she brought it up.

"You know Shina-chan came to the hospital the other day?"

I looked up at her in confusion. He didn't tell me that.

"No...? I didn't? Why?"

"I think you know why. Come on." Sakura guided me to our son's room and cracked the door open. "You see your son?"

"I.." Shinachiku was curled into a ball hugging his stiffed life-sized slug. He looked so peaceful... My son... "Of course I see him."

She looked me in my eyes and told me "Them make sure he knows that."

I was taken aback. What does she mean?

"Shinachiku came to the hospital and waited until he spotted me on my break to talk to me. He's seven years old Naruto. He's a smart kid, but the fact that he knows his father is at home and yet he came to talk to me, that a problem. It's not like he's a teenager, do you not notice the distance between the two of you? The short talks?"

"Shina-chan..."

"In case you're not getting it, he feels you put work on a higher scale than him. That's what he came to talk to me about."

"But I would-"

"Keep your voice down..!"

I sighed in frustration. I took a deep breath and whispered. "I don't put him on a lower pedestal than work. It's just new. It's a lot more work than I thought. I didn't think...I didn't think it would be like this."

Sakura snorted. "Well, it is. I understand it's a lot, Hell I got two offices for a reason. But I took that and Still made sure to be here because I knew that my family needs me. Maybe you forgot that with everything changing but you need to remember real quick before you have a long line of regrets pile up at your door."

All I could do was stare. I couldn't say a damn thing.

"I have to go back in. Naruto," she turned my face to look at her. "I know it's a lot, but its your job as a parent to figure this out." She kissed me on my cheek and smiled at me. "I love you."
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Sakura could always put me back on track. Sometimes I feel bad that she even has to do that, but I'm grateful. I need to do something but I don't know how. I have so much to do in such little time and I'm trying to keep myself from going under. I'll have to talk to somebody to get some ideas. Maybe Shikamaru could help? I don't know, all I know is that I have to do something before this turns into a bigger issue.

I didn't think he'd feel this way. It's not like I'm not here at all I mean...I ner had parents, only parental figures but that was after a lot of pain... I don't understand fully but I'm willing to understand and make things right! I don't want to lose my son...

I hate that I had to have that big ass pipe bust in my office in order to notice our distance, but I'm glad that It happened.

It's a new week. I have a month and two weeks left to fix this. Hopefully, I can...