[Book I] Winter Falls [ENG]

Chapter 15: Easier said than done

Hey! I hope everyone is okay :)
New chapter today~ I know that the current situation is a bit long (especially because I divide the time between the ships), but be patient, we are approaching the end soon :) a few more chapters

TW: suggestion of suicidal thoughts (light)

Timeline : Wednesday to Friday, November

Enjoy!

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His eyes were on the sky. Night had already fallen for some time, yet he could't see the stars through the window of his room.

Hyunjin sighed, scanning the dark space above him. It had now been six days since the dispute had taken place and he had not heard from Chan directly since. He had just followed his messages in the group chat, proving that he was still there. That he existed. It wasn't a feverish dream of Hyunjin.

However, all his messages seemed so impersonal. He only spoke when it concerned the club, so, not much. He wasn't involved in the frivolous discussions that Jisung and Felix were having fun throwing. Not that Hyunjin was. He didn't really see the point at the moment. He had other things to think about.

His eyes looked for the stars again, before giving up. This weekend, they should have gone to see the stars together, but everything had fallen through. It was his fault after all. He could only blame himself. He shouldn't have looked into Chan's stuff.

He blamed himself because he ruined everything.

But he would also have felt guilty if he hadn't spoken.

Wouldn't it have been selfish to shut up and watch Chan suffer without being able to talk about it, just for his own personal happiness? Hyunjin didn't want to be like that. He didn't want to be like those people who always preferred their own happiness to the detriment of others. Chan was more important than his own comfort...

Hyunjin left the window, finding a place on his bed instead. He rubbed his cheek against his duvet, trying to find comfort where he could.

The separation was horrible. Even painful. He had only known Chan for a month and a half, but he had managed to take such a big place in his heart in such a short time. They had never been separated so long and he missed the young man terribly. He couldn't get it out of his head, or even his heart.

During this time without him, Hyunjin had really become aware of the significance of his feelings for him. He understood, that he had fallen hard for the older one. Hopelessly and deeply in love. And he didn't know what to do about it.

He let himself think for a moment about what he would have done, if the situation weren't as it is now? Would he have told him? Maybe not...

Frankly, Hyunjin didn't think that would be a good idea. At least, not right now. Even if, by any chance, Chan have feelings for him too, having a relationship would probably not be a good thing.

He trusted Chan. But would he be able to trust him enough to have a relationship? He wasn't sure.

Moreover, it was almost certain that the blond wasn't ready to trust again in this way. After all, he had hidden his personal problems from him, so what else could he hide from him... In any case, since Hyunjin had searched his notebook, it was useless to talk about trust...

Hyunjin jumped when he heard knocking on the door of his room. He straightened up slightly when he saw his mother gently opening the door.

"Sweetheart? Felix is here."