[Book I] Winter Falls [ENG]

Chapter 56: Outstretched hand

Hello~ Small chapter today, we continue on our way... Breathe long before you start reading :) It's going to be okay... (haha)

TW: attempted suicides (mention graphic)

Timeline: Wednesday to Saturday, January

Enjoy!

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If there was one thing that Chan did in that session alone, it was to think.

He was currently lying in bed. His alarm had just ring, telling him that he had to actually get up to go to class. But Chan was still exhausted. His night had been bad.

The pills could put an end to his anxiety. Unfortunately, they seemed unable to do anything about his overly intrusive thoughts.

He was relaxed, but his brain was spinning on the same things over and over again. He had barely closed his eyes at night.

Chan screwed up. He couldn't explain to Hyunjin why remorse started attacking him after their night. But Hyunjin didn't let him finish either. Objectively, Chan knew he did it wrong. Again, his anxiety had just screwed everything up. But now that he was cool-headed, now that the moment had passed, the words came more easily to him.

He had to try and talk to Hyunjin.

Taking his courage with both hands, he grabbed his phone. Unaware of his apprehension, Chan opened the messaging app and began typing.

Chris

7:47 AM | Hey... I know you're probably angry, hurt and you certainly don't want to hear about me right now. And I totally understand why. I just want to explain what happened.

7:48 AM | I would prefer that we meet, to talk about it face to face. But I'm still going to say a little bit by message, because I suspect that right now, you really don't want to see me. And that's okay, I promise.

7:49 AM | I'm sorry I reacted like that Saturday morning. I smoked, and even though I told you I had a clear head, I'm sure it influenced all that. I spent the night looping on things. My anxiety was at its maximum. And when you woke up, I couldn't find the right words to explain what I was thinking.

7:51 AM | I'm really, really sorry I hurt you.

7:52 AM | I have more to say. But I would really like to talk about it face to face. So please answer me.

Chan sighed.

He didn't want to sound too desperate. Although he was kind of desperate.

The guilt of hurting the boy he loved was strong. Very strong. He only wanted to explain the misunderstanding and make amends.

And for that, Hyunjin had to read the messages.

And accept his outstretched hand.

•

Of course, Chan should have known that this wouldn't be so simple.

It was now 11 AM. His last class of the morning had just ended and he was leaving the amphitheater with his friends. Blindly following them to their usual place for lunch, he took out his phone. He just wanted to check it one more time.

Hyunjin had read his messages around 9 AM. And he had not responded.

If Chan had doubted that he could actually leave him hanging, since he had not blocked him... well, he had been wrong.