Elementals

10

Rani

The Welcome to Missouri road sign doesn't give me the comfort I hoped for. Instead I feel an unease as I drive into the state I grew up in, the place I lived before a traffic light malfunction led to the hellscape my life is now.

I slow as I reach the apartment building. It was me and Mom against the world; Dad died a few years ago, and I had no siblings. We were happy together in the apartment we called home, and when I see that the Floorplans Available—Call for Rent! sign isn't staked into the grass, I know I can't visit. The landlord was always quick to rent out his availabilities, and if that sign isn't here, that means he's already filled the apartment Mom and I left behind when we both 'died'. I look up, and sure enough, there's a new set of curtains in what was once our window. I can't break inside and mope like I planned, not when there's people living there.

My hands tighten on the steering wheel. I'm jealous that Taylor got to see his home, but I can't. I hope the others have better luck, if home is where they're headed.

I drive off before I start to cry. There's nothing to do but meander through the city and think. It was a little over a month after graduation when we had the accident. If it hadn't happened, then right now, I would be a freshman at Missouri State. I enrolled as an undeclared major; I thought I would have time to figure out what I wanted to do with my career and my life.

And if the accident had to happen, then if Dr. Jansen hadn't stolen me away, maybe I would've recovered over the summer. I would be reeling from Mom's death, but there'd be a chance to move forward and heal and make it on my own.

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

How do I get back to my life after I've been legally dead for three months? If I tell the truth and show someone what I've become, I'll be an outcast at best and a prisoner at worst. If I tell a half-lie and say I got kidnapped and that I honest-to-God have no idea what happened to me and I don't mention the Elemental thing at all, then someone somewhere will open an investigation on my disappearance and maybe, after interviews and searches, they'll let me go.

Should I do that?

Can I do that?

A light turns yellow, and I slow. An ice cream shop I've never seen before sits at the corner of the intersection, and before reaching the light, I turn into it. The sign is shiny and bedazzled, and a cute little bell rings when I enter. The floor is pristine, the glass cases are clean, and everything is so...new. New like my life: scrubbed clean and waiting to be dirtied by whatever comes next.

I sit down with a bowl of rocky road and stare out the window. Cars pass by, their lights streaking together in a blur. The ice cream tastes like cold ash in my mouth.

"Relax, Rani," I murmur to myself. "Calm down, and you'll figure everything out. Just relax."

Relax.

The spoon falls out of my hand.

His voice is clear as day, ringing in my ears. Though I know that what I've just said to myself is what brought this forward, I'm still taken aback because I've never heard this before. My hand goes to my chest; I keep hearing relax, and what follows is a grating sensation, an uncomfortable, blood-curdling feeling that I swear I've never felt before.

Except...I have. When he used the bone saw on my sternum. And it isn't until right now that I remember my eyes opening one at a time to see him standing next to me, injecting something into the IV drip while his other hand holds the saw, small and bloody.

I guess it's time. My memories have started to come back.

"Um..." The girl at the counter comes over and picks up my fallen spoon. "You good?"

I hastily thank her for the new spoon she hands me. "I'm fine!" I urge, with a smile that I hope is sweet and not suspicious. "I'm good, thank you. Sorry."

"Alright." She takes the dirty spoon and leaves me.

I forcibly remove my hand from my chest, not wanting anyone to think I'm having a heart attack. My eyes have gone watery, and for a violent moment, I seriously consider using my power to yank all the tears out so I don't have to blink them back. I don't even know if I can do that.

I stick the new spoon into the rocky road and flinch when I hear it again. Relax. I suddenly recall how freaking cold that table was, and how my shoulder blades grew sore against it. It's such a small, barely perceptible feeling, yet it's so irritating that I actually laugh.

What do you want to do, Rani? I ask myself dryly, watching the streaks of lights pass by me like I'm a ghost.

What do you want to do?