A Gray Llove

Rocking Back

Farther down the hallway, Lloyd's arms shook with anger as he held Sasha. He kept his touch light – she had apparently nearly had her arms wrenched out of their sockets by whomever the hell was now lying dead at his feet – and felt something deep in his chest ache at the feeling of Sasha gently squeezing his arms back. What had happened while he was with Fitzroy? What had Sasha seen?

She had seen the girl.

Even though Lloyd had gotten to Fitzroy and kept him out of the equation...the niece had escaped and gotten Sasha involved in all this. Lloyd didn't know exactly what had brought her and the girl to this point, but if the guard had attacked Sasha, it had to have been because she was helping Claire Fitzroy. This made sense. That would have been the thing for Sasha to do, back in the day.

She didn't understand now that things were... different.

It had looked to Lloyd as if Sasha had blanked right around the moment when he had shot the guard. She was breathing hard now, holding him back and pressing her head to his chest as if all she knew was that he had saved her. Lloyd guessed that if any trace of the girl had remained in her mind, he would have been getting quite a different reception. Closing his eyes, he blew out a long breath of relief.

Against his chest, Sasha whispered, "Lloyd, what's going on?"

Lloyd sighed and rubbed her back, kissing her hair again for good measure as he told her truthfully, "We've been compromised." He jerked his head in the direction of their rooms, around the next corner. "Let's go."

As it turned out that one of Sasha's ankles had also been sprained in her encounter with the guard – though Lloyd had to wonder if it had more to do with the two unconscious guards they passed in the corridor – Lloyd insisted on carrying her back to her suite. Sasha seemed very tired, he thought, limp in his arms with her eyes half-shut. By the time he kicked open the doors to her room, she was close to sleep – exhausted. Lloyd thought that probably made sense. Struggling with the enormous guard was likely more physical activity than she was used to, with a whole different level of strain on a body that was still mending itself after years of physical therapy.

If Sasha fell asleep, it would be one way of making sure she was safe...and stayed far away from his business.

Lloyd gently poured her into her covers, supporting her back as he arranged the pillows in the most comfortable position under her head. Sasha at last responded to his attentions, catching one of his hands and softly snorting, "I'm not a baby, I've got it." Her eyes cleared for a moment, and she began to sit upright. "What are we going to do about the compromised security? Is the mission safe? Do we need backup?"

"Shhhhh." Spreading her fine cotton coverlet over her chest and guiding her back down onto the pillow, Lloyd shook his head and gave her a small smile. As always, Sasha thought she was still on duty and assumed they two of them were on a mission. He stuck with her rationale as he told her, "You'll be safe in here. I'll keep a lookout while you catch your breath for a minute. Okay?"

"But the mission?" Sasha insisted. Her eyes locked with his, and for a shocking moment Lloyd had the sense that she knew. He told himself that there was no possible way she could know about Sierra Six: Lloyd's actual mission. She would have no way to connect him to the girl, either. He still had his cover.

Still, Lloyd found himself telling Sasha a bit of the truth. "The mission...is coming along. Slowly." Unable to help himself, Lloyd grimaced and added, "Painfully slowly."

"But you've got it?" Sasha's fingers felt cold as they wrapped weakly around Lloyd's. She looked at him with such hope and trust...

Lloyd looked down. Yes. He had total control over a mission that Sasha would have absolutely hated, yes. He had everything in hand, and would make sure he got exactly the results he wanted from Fitzroy, Sierra Six, and anyone else, by any means necessary. Would Sasha have done everything she could to stop this, if she actually knew what he was doing on his mission? Yes. She had no idea what she was encouraging him to do right now. For some reason, this gave Lloyd a dry sensation in his mouth and a ringing sort of pain in his stomach as he covered her hand with his. "Of course I do. Don't worry about it." He brought his eyes up just in time to see Sasha nod faintly, her eyes closed. As he watched, her neck lost some of its tension, her lips relaxed, and Sasha dropped off to sleep.

Lloyd didn't move from her side. For a full five minutes, he stayed and lost himself in the faint noises of her breathing, hypnotized by the early afternoon sunlight coming through her bedroom windows and the flutter of a flock of small songbirds out in the garden. He felt as if he were a child on a rocking horse, rocking far back before rocking forward and propelling himself off the horse altogether. He was hanging somewhere around the back of the horse's rocker – he could feel it. Staying with Sasha kept him back there. It wasn't safe and it wasn't something he knew how to do, but it made him feel lighter.

As the sun began to sink in the sky, Lloyd stirred. He walked to the bureau standing in the corner of Sasha's room, drew a fresh white polo and slacks from one of the drawers, drenched himself in a cold shower in her suite's bathroom, and had reassembled his game face by the time he walked out of the mists. Back to the mission.

Before he left for the comms room, Lloyd bent over Sasha one last time and kissed her on the temple. She turned her face towards him in her sleep and Lloyd pressed his forehead to hers, feeling her heartbeat through her skin and savoring it for one moment...two...three...

Then Lloyd pulled himself away and strode out into the hall, Prague on his mind and the doubt in his stomach left far behind.