Lay Me Down

Sleep

Phil was in highschool the first time he visited the hospital, Salford Royal Hospital. He needed community service hours for a senior project and he'd resolved to go ask for volunteer work there.

The nurse, an elderly woman with thinning hair and a strict disposition, stared down her nose at him, taking in his long fringe and dyed black hair, black skinny jeans, Buffy the Vampire Slayer t-shirt, and all but scoffed in his face.
"What could *you* possibly have to offer?" she asked and shrinking back a step, Phil shrugged.
"I dunno. But I don't want to just do something easy, I want to do something that matters. Even if only to one person."
The woman looked him over again and crossed her arms. "Convince me you're serious and I'll try to find you something to do." Then she turned on her heel and walked away.
It would be easy to have just asked another nurse, have found someone above the woman, but something about the challenge made Phil want to prove himself. So, everyday for an entire month afterwards Phil showed up immediately after school, finding the woman, (who at this point he learned name was Nurse Malerd), and asking very politely again. And again. Occasionally he'd bring her a coffee on days the hospital was busy, and by the end of March he'd become used to the routine. The entire month she never cracked a smile, not once, but when he walked through the door the first of April with a joke book under his arm and he greeted all the nurses at the desk by their first names she felt the corners of her lips raise before she had chance to stop them.
"Philip?"
"Yes Ma'am?"
"There's a boy who has been here five months now. He was in a car accident, he's in a coma and he doesn't respond to stimulus. His family stopped visiting three months ago. I don't know if he can hear, or if he can feel, or if he's in there at all, but he still needs company. Come every week at least, whenever you can, and bring books. Alright?" she asked, smile disappearing and stone replacing it. Phil felt a smile take his face over, but it was bittersweet. He was excited to be able to do something, to help, but the circumstances of the boy were heart-breaking.
"Happily, Ma'am. Thank you."
"Good. Follow me." Nurse Malerd instructed, leading down the hallway, and Phil kept at her heels.
When they came upon the room Phil felt a hollow, strange ache in his chest when he recalled how often he'd walked past this room the last month. Nurse Malerd knocked before entering the room, walking in after and Phil stayed in the doorway. It was a private room, small and scented with hospital cleaning products and quiet with Nurse Malerd's soft footfalls, emphasising the sound of life support machines and monitors beeping softly. Phil wasn't able to convince himself to look at the boy in the bed yet, so instead stared out the window into the Manchester rainy Spring sky.
"Daniel? It's Nurse Malerd again, a young man named Philip Lester is here to spend some time with you today. I hope that's okay." she said, speaking in a softer voice than Phil had heard her use before. She brushed the boy in the bed's, Dan's, hair from his forehead and pulled his covers more neatly around him. The chill in the room suddenly felt more apparent.
"Philip? You can come in."
"Oh. Thank you. Hi, Daniel. Like Nurse Malerd said, I'm Philip Lester, but, uh, most people just call me Phil."
"I think," Nurse Malerd began, considering a moment before going on, "Daniel usually goes by Dan."
"Well, Dan, I hope you don't mind me calling you Dan." Phil said, finally properly looking at the boy.
He was only about a year younger than Phil, with long brown hair that obviously used to be a quite neat fringe like Phil's but had grown the last few months of Dan not being awake, wavy and curly. Phil had the odd thought that the other boy probably straightened it normally, and then furrowed his eyebrows at himself.
"If you would like, you can stay here until you're ready to go. I have to continue my rounds now. Have a good day, Philip."
"Thank you, Ma'am ." Phil said, then moved to Dan's side slowly, pulled a visitors chair alongsome the bed, and sighed. "I've heard what happened, and that people don't really visit you, and I'm so sorry, Dan. I'll keep you company, though. I'm sorry if I'm no very good at this, or if I waffle on a bit sometimes." he said, laughing a bit, nervous.
Phil resolved to read out jokes from his book, telling Dan that it was April Fools day in explanation at one point. He didn't mean to get so off track, but he found himself going on about his day, and about a weird April Fools day he had when he was a kid, and he found himself becoming very comfortable.
"I'm sorry if you can hear me, Dan, I must seem so weird." he laughed and then, just for a second, Dan's heart beat picked up. Phil jolted in surprise, standing, then sitting again, than standing. He tried to decide what to do, whether to tell a nurse, to go fetch Malerd and explain, but as soon as it had happened it was over and Dan laid unchanged.
"Dan? Did you just hear me? Your heart sped up." Phil asked, trying to explain why he'd been jumping around, in and out of his seat, but then remembered Dan's eyes were closed. "Well, I- I'll be back tomorrow, Dan. With a proper book. Have a good night. It was so nice to meet you." Phil said, noticing the sky changing as night fell and knowing visiting hours would be over soon. Phil looked at Dan again and smiled, just a little, because as sad as it all was, the brunette looked just like he was sleeping.

It took less than three months for Phil to get in the daily habit of visiting Dan. He'd graduate later in June, his senior project was over, but he couldn't stop coming. His university he'd be attending in Fall was even closer to the hospital than his house, so it wouldn't be a problem distance wise during school so he decided he'd keep coming. He was never quite sure what to do when visiting, sometimes he'd read for hours on end, sometimes he'd just tell stories, sometimes he'd just ramble, but in the end Phil always found himself hoping Dan was able to hear him.
"Dan? I brought you a present, which is super creepy of me, but oh well. I know it's your birthday tomorrow and I heard your family used to call you Bear once in awhile while visiting so . . . uh, I brought you a stuffed bear. I'm sorry if it's weird. I'm going to put it in bed with you, I hope that's okay." Phil said, gently pulling Dan's covers a bit and tucked the bear in next to him.
"Phil?" an aid asked from the doorway, motioning him over. He was a young man, not much older than Phil, who'd become a bit of a friend to Phil when he visited.
"Hey PJ, what's up?"
"Nurse Malerd asked me to talk to you about coming tomorrow. Obviously, Dan shouldn't be alone on his birthday, but Malerd is hoping his family might show up for once and it might be, a bit, you know-"
"Awkward for them to come and see me sitting here talking to Dan?" Phil asked, understanding, and PJ nodded.
"Sorry, yeah. Would it be alright if we just called you if they don't show?"
"Of course." Phil nodded instantly.
"Phil? Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah?" Phil said, more a question than an answer.
"You know not to get too attached, right?"
"I- what?"
"Just, you know, the longer this goes on, the worse the prognosis, and the more you're going to get so used to being here and spending time in that room. His family gave up hope months ago or they'd be here, if they ever get to the point they're ready to-"
"PJ, please. I know. I do. I've not given up hope, though. I know he's in here, I can just- I know I'm not sitting there talking to myself. Even if he hates me for taking his ear off that's fine, but I can't just leave him alone." Phil said.
"Phil, you're a hell of a person." PJ smiled, and Phil tried one back, but he felt a lump in his throat and knew it looked forced so he dropped it.
"It's too late, anyway." Phil said, quietly, and PJ's face shifted to an understanding, pensive look. He didn't say another word, he just clapped Phil on the shoulder and nodded. PJ left in silence and Phil went back into the room, holding his head in his hands a bit.
"Dan? Sorry about that, I don't know if you heard but PJ called me out. I'm sorry, I won't be here at the normal time tomorrow. They want to make sure I'm not, uh, here if your family shows up. It would be a bit awkward, you know? Hey, though, about birthdays, wanna hear a really weird thing? Probably not, but, well, you know I'm going to tell you anyway. Feel free to block me out. But when I was a kid we had this tradition at school and they'd roll out this weird concrete cake-"