Self-preservation

Quite Unexpected

Yes, I had agreed to help find Virgil.

Patton had locked me into a hug, so we were just getting soaked by the rain. It felt strange to feel affection again, unnatural. A few awkward moments later, he let me go and I offered to let him stay at my place for the night. That way I could keep an eye on him, just because I'd decided to aid him did not mean I trusted him.

Patton was unlike anyone I had ever met. He was seemingly hopeful and kind, it was clear to see why Virgil would gravitate to such a person. He wasn't frightened of Loki either, and he kept referring to him as a "Lil boop noodle" which I thought was an odd name to give to a snake and it did give me the impression that Patton was rather immature. I let him borrow a pair of sweatpants and a jumper. Black really was not his color. I gave him a yellow blanket that really needed washing but it would do for tonight.

"Do you need anything else?" I asked, trying to be hospitable but my voice sounded all bitter so it didn't come across that way.

"No thanks! I'm good"

And with that I said good night and went into my bedroom, but I had no intention of sleeping. Not only did I have a stranger sleeping on my couch tonight but I also had to figure out a plan. This wasn't going to be as easy as finding my targets because they didn't know they had to hide. Virgil on the other hand, whether their choice or not, wasn't going to be out in the open. I was going to need help, and yes I had Patton. Or I suppose Patton had me. However I could tell he wasn't going to be much help.

So there was only one option. I hoped Patton wasn't as innocent as he looked, for his own sake.

Overnight, I'd removed my contact details from the internet since I obviously wouldn't be doing any of my work when Patton would be around all the time until I found Virge. Patton snored all night, which was actually quite a relief since I could tell he was sleeping. The most silent being the most deadly and all of that. The rest of the night I spent planning on how I was going to find Virgil. They really could be anywhere. As the morning came I could feel my eyes getting heavy, I really didn't want to fall asleep, especially not now but it was like my body was on auto-pilot.

Violet. Everything was violet. And these voices inside my head began to scream.
"It's your fault"
"Why save them now? What good did it do you last time?"
"It's your fault"
"They wouldn't forgive you now anyway"
"It's your fault"

"Janus! Wake up"

And I awoke. My back flipped up so suddenly it cracked and my throat was so sore it was if I had swallowed sand. I noticed Patton was present and was looking at me really concerned. I wanted to ask what was wrong but first I needed a drink so I got up and rushed to the kitchen and got myself a glass of water.

Patton followed through soon after, still looking like he'd seen a ghost. "What's the problem?" I asked. Patton didn't say anything, he just walked over to me and hugged me.
"Virgil used to scream in their sleep too"
I had been screaming in my sleep? I hadn't even had a nightmare or dream in years. And now I was screaming in my sleep? Patton still hadn't let go, a very small part of me didn't want him to but this was awkward.
"You can let go now"
"Oh right! Sorry" Patton apologised as he let go of me. "It's just that Virgil used to get really scary nightmares at night, and it was before we actually got together. We were college roommates and they'd always ask me to stay next to them because... because-"
"They were afraid of being alone again"

There was an awkward silence in the room. I decided to fill the silence with the plan. I told Patton we would be going to see an acquaintance of mine, and warned that said acquaintance was rather crude. Patton did not seem thrilled at all about that part, fantastic.

And it then occurred to me that I didn't even know what Virgil looked like now.
"What does Virgil look like?" I inquired and saw Patton grab is phone and immediately showed me his lock-screen. It was a selfie of Patton and what I assumed was Virgil. Their face shape hadn't changed much, their eye bags were extremely more prominent giving me the impression they didn't sleep that much. The biggest change to me was the purple hair. Was that still their favourite colour?

"We're going to find them, right Janus?"
"We'll see" I coldly replied. Optimism wasn't exactly my skill set, something me and Virgil used to and maybe still had in common. Patton asked if he could go home which was a 40 minute walk away so he could change into his clothes and then he'd return to my apartment and give the borrowed clothes back. I decided it was better that I drive him there and then we could go straight to 'The Kraken's Morningstar' afterwards.

It probably wouldn't be open when we got there but that probably would be in our favour. Especially with my detective problem, not that Patton knew about that of course.

It didn't take too long to get to drive to Patton and Virgil's apartment. I would've preferred to stay in the car and waited but Patton insisted that I come with him and look around. It was rather messy, clearly not much about Virgil had changed. His room was often quite the wreckage when he was younger too. There were pictures of the two of them all over the walls, and occasionally a t-shirt or two lining the floors.

"I'm sorry about the mess, I thought it best to leave things as they were" Patton apologised, as he got changed in another room.
"Why would you think that?"

And then a pause followed, even though I couldn't see him, I knew that Patton was trying to find the right words. Or that he'd found the words but couldn't bring himself to say them.

"The day Virgil went missing, I came home to find the place a mess, specifically Virgil's clothes"
"You think there was a struggle?"

Patton then came out of the room, wearing a grey turtleneck and light blue jeans. Hints of sadness across his face. "Not quite"

By the time we were back in the car, Patton still hadn't explained what he had meant, which was obviously really inconvenient but Patton just couldn't form the words so I made a mental note to ask him later.

We pulled up outside the bar, just as Remus had walked inside. It was weird though, Remus didn't usually wear red, in fact I don't think I've seen him wear anything other then black, green or grey. He must've been trying something new. A lot bolder, that's for certain.

Before we got out the car, I had to re-warn Patton to be careful with what he said, did or even thought. Someone like Remus with someone like Patton in the same room could only lead to disaster. What was really odd to me was that despite only knowing Patton for not even a day, I cared about him. To some degree anyway. What was happening to me? Caring? I was going to end up dead doing that again. Why? Was I here and not going on with my life?

Meanwhile, somewhere else.

Had he left? I wasn't sure. Wherever I was, it was cold. I couldn't see, speak, or move. There was a piercing ache in my skull and from I could tell, blood pouring out of my nose. My nose tended to bleed when I was afraid. Just normally, it's something less rational. Every creak above me sent shivers down my spine. I didn't want to die here.