His Lips Were As Pink As Cherry Blossoms

Chapter 25: Guilt.

The next day Hinata couldn't help but feel guilty. He didn't know why. He felt like he'd done something wrong. Like having sex with Kageyama was such a bad thing even though he'd done it so many times before. Was it because it was semi-public? Was it because it was out of jealousy? He couldn't find out. But as he lie in bed at night he kept thinking about it. Trying to find out what felt different. Kageyama slept peacefully beside him. Hinata got out of bed, her eyes puffy and red from his tears and he went to the kitchen. He picked up a knife from the kitchen drawer. Not a big one. But not a butter knife either. Sharp enough to cut skin. He knew he shouldn't. He'd been clean for so long. His scars had finally faded. But as he looked at his empty arms and the knife in his hands he just couldn't help himself. He gently dragged the knife along his wrist. Leaving a small cut. It was punishment. He deserved this. He left another. And another. And another after that. He zoned out as he drug the knife against his skin, resemblance of playing a violin. He looked to see his arm dripping. Panicked, he yelped and slapped his hand over his face. Instant regret. Whyd he do it?? It didn't even help anymore. Whyd he let his addiction get the best of him again. Kageyama would be so disappointed. He didn't even attempt to hide it as he heard the boys footsteps.

"Sho? Are you okay?"

Hinata slid against the cabinets onto the floor, holding his arm over the few drops of his blood already on the floor.

"N-no I'm sorry."

Kageyama rubbed his eyes and turned the kitchen light on.

"It's oka-SHOYO!"

He looked at the smaller boy sitting on the floor, arm with scattered cuts and dripping.

"BABY NO WHAT HAPPENED YOU WERE DOING SO GOOD!"

Kageyama rushed over to him with tears in his eyes. Hinata's face stayed numb, emotionless. Kageyama ran and got the first aid kit, immediately tending to Hinata's self inflicted wounds. Hinata nearly blacked out as the chemicals burnt the fresh cuts. Kageyama cleaned the floor as well and gently wrapped his arm. He then gently picked up the smaller boy, walking to his room.

"Talk to me, what happened?"

"..."

"I'm not mad I promise."

"I-I was disappointed."

"In what?"

"Myself."

"Whys that?"

"Because of what we did earlier."

"Well we don't have to do things like that if it hurts you like this."

Hinata nodded. He was exhausted. It was well into the night. It was weird. He loved doing things like that with Kageyama. It definitely wasn't why he did what he did.

"Let's just go to bed okay?"

He nodded gently and laid beside Kageyama. When Kageyama finally fell asleep Hinata got up and went for a run. It had been awhile since he coped like this.