Who Made Me A Princess x Reader

its not living (if its not with you)

scenario: reader wakes up in wmmap, can hardly remember details of their life, feels as if there is something missing but they cannot tell what it is, until they meet claude #slay....
cw: kind of like derealisation !
i don't know if ill make a second part

–

Often things feel surreal, they feel like a dream, a dream I can never truly grasp, a husk of a being. An empty void, it all feels so out of touch. As if I've never truly lived, until the emperor found me, when I saw him
I felt... paralysed? Maybe even enchanted. He was shining, golden.
It was the first time I ever saw someone so clean and angelic like a marble statue.. yet so, disturbed.
As if the poison, the darkness in him was just under the skin.
It made me want to tear him apart.
But not in an act of violence
In an act of worship, witnessing his entirety, himself laid bare

The emperor was kind to me, I suppose. He was similar to a cat who I had kept company for a short period of time till one day it disappeared, the cat and him were so alike I had taken to petting his head, but he didn't hiss at me, he cried instead, I didn't know whether to feel insulted but when I moved away he grabbed onto my hand and firmly placed it back, he did not look at me, maybe he was blushing. I couldn't tell. I didn't understand why he kept me, maybe I was a form of entertainment, he often looked empty, as if he was not there, as if he never was, but I would sit myself down next to him and lay my head on his lap and he would relax, his slender fingers running through my hair, which had become a lot more well kept since he discovered the once dirty, abandoned me, it had been so long since that time that it almost felt like a dream, or well, a nightmare.

I felt as if I never really existed too, till I was beside him.
In that moment I felt that void, that empty feeling fill up, with each tender moment, I don't know what I could possibly label the emotion as. It felt as if my entire being was crying out in longing, in absolute yearning to simply be next to him

I think the emperor may come to hate me, may come to one day abandon me just like my father, just like the cat I snuggled next to in the night for warmth, it's only natural I suppose, that I could never bathe in this warmth for the entirety of existence and even beyond that, like a moth attracted to flame. I burn out, I crumple in on myself, nothing feels to be enough, the hole in my heart aches. It's never enough, but he too seems so consumed with this longing.
And he stays despite all doubts

–

BWAGGH.. I 🤍 Codependency 🤭 it's been a long while since I wrote I've never been good at dialogue and talking but I'm good at describing emotions I suppose .. so I stuck to that. I just wanted to express that feeling with Claude, especially since I think he would've been very lost after Diana's death, the entire thing makes my heart ache.