The Exchange

The Letter

Every flight he got on, he hated. He was left alone with his thoughts with nowhere to go. So, to divert his mind, he opened up her diary to see if he could complete any other tasks in Switzerland. But, as he was flipping through the pages, a letter fell into his lap...the letter. He had folded it and pasted it on the very back end, but when the agent was flipping through the pages, it must have fallen out. He tried resisting as hard as he could....he did not want to read it again...he could not read it again. The last time he read it...about six months ago...it took him weeks to pull himself back together, to convince himself that he was the happiest he had ever been. But, now that it was in his hands, he had to open it...and with a heavy heart, he read once again, 

"Abhi...maniyu,

Tumhari surgery successful hogayi hai. Ab tumari pechan wapis aajaye gi...ab tumhe fikar karni ki koi zarurat nahi hai. Kash mein aaj wahan per hoti aaj...kash mein tumhare saath khushiyan mana rahi hoti...liken mein jaha rahi hoon...jab tak tum yeh parho ge, mein jaa chuki hongi...please yeh mat samajna ki hamara pyaar sacha nahi tha...liken shayad hum alag hone kilye mile the...tumhare saath bitaya wa har pal mere liye meri zindagi ka sabse acha pal tha...aur agar tumhe meri kabhi bhi yaad aye toh bas apni anken baand karlena...tum mujhe apne saath pao ge....

Tumari, 

Akshara." 

He closed his eyes as she had told him to. He closed his eyes and felt her presence so deeply within his soul. And her presence was so overwhelming that he knew he had to stop himself before it was too late...before he was too far gone...before he could not pul himself back out again. 

But, before he could open his eyes, the worst moments of his life flashed before his eyes....

The night before his surgery, he had slept with his Akshu in his arms. But, even in his sleep, he could tell that she was awake...that she was watching him. Every now and then when she looked away, he would glance at her, seeing tears in her eyes, her entire face pale. At that time, he thought she was just scared, anxious for the surgery. He wrapped his arms around her more tightly and did not think more of it. But, now, he wondered if she had known that she was going to leave him...he wondered if he had only turned the light on, gotten up, cupped her face and asked her what was wrong...would she have told him? 

The next morning, they prayed in his sanctuary to mahadev sitting side by side. They went downstairs hand in hand, ate breakfast, and left for the hospital with his family following in cars behind him. He still could not believe that she had convinced Dr. Khera to come back so soon. He had not returned any of his messages, and when he had asked her the day before as to what she said, how she got him to agree, she told him that she just pled him from the bottom of her heart, and he was coming as a doctor to save another doctor's career. His Akshu's innocence, her purity was unlike anyone else...so he believed her. Her words must have touched Dr. Khera to the core. Her words must have moved him just as they moved everyone else. 

Once they were at the hospital, she kissed his forehand and embraced him...wishing him all the best...telling him this was the final stretch. He wiped the tears off her cheeks, telling her to not worry, that everything would be okay. She had smiled through her pain in response, unwilling to let him go. "Akshu...meri jaan...sab theek hoga...chalo tum meri wait karo, mein jaldi gaya aur jaldi aaya..." 

Upon these words, she had burst out sobbing, kissing him all over his face, telling him how much she loved him. His entire family looked on in confusion, in shock. They had never seen her react so intensely...in his heart, he felt something was not right...but, when he asked her, she managed to convince him that she was just scared. She said sorry for scaring him, and reluctantly let him go. As he was walking into the OT, he turned around and saw her face...she tenderly waved to him, and he waved back with a reassuring nod. Little did he know, that wave was her final goodbye to him...to them...to their love. 

***

When he had awakened from surgery, his eyes were searching for her...looking all around the room, in desperation for her touch, for her smile. But, he saw every single one of his family members besides her. And what worried him was that none of them looked happy...none of them looked relieved. And in Manjari's hands, he saw a bouquet of flowers with a letter. She silently walked up to him, reading the thousands of questions in his eyes, and handed it to him. "Abhi, beta...teri surgery successful thi. Yeh Akshu ne tere liye diya hai...." 

"Liken maa, woh hai kahan?" He asked anxiously, knowing that she would not leave him alone...knowing that she would have been waiting right outside the OT for the six hours he was inside...knowing that she would not even think of going anywhere else. 

Then, the words that changed his life forever. Manjari told him that Akshara had gone for a walk shortly after he went into the OT, and none of them had seen her since. They had searched everywhere, called her millions of times...but her phone was disconnected. When they had gone into his cabin to see if she was there, they found this letter and these flowers in his name...

Still under the effect of the anesthetics, he tried to convince himself this was a nightmare, that he was hallucinating... but when he opened the letter, his heart shattered into bits and pieces. He threw the flowers onto the ground, screaming in despair. He tossed infinite questions to his family, demanding answers...how could they let her disappear like this...had one of them sent her away? He had accused Mahima of blaming her for Anisha's death again in his absence, telling her that he would forget they were related if anything happened to his Akshu. He had ripped his drip out and ran through the halls screaming her name with her family and Dr. Khera running behind him, telling him that he was still very weak...telling him to calm down. And without even realizing it, he had passed out in the corridor of his own hospital. 

When he had woken up, he was at home in their room...in his room. His entire family was staring at him with tears in their eyes. Thinking this was all in his imagination, he reached into his pocket, hoping the letter wasn't there...hoping that she would walk through the door any second. But, there it was...the piece of paper that became his greatest hatred and his greatest love...the piece of paper that was his final reminder of her. The piece of paper that was now smudged to the core...as both her tears and his tears had made the ink bleed and drip down the letter, ruining her perfect handwriting. 

In the days that followed, him and his brothers had searched everywhere for her...every corner of the town that was their home. They had gone to all of the train stations and airports in their area, desperately looking for any sign of her. But, it all failed. She was gone...as if she was a ghost that had never even existed. 

At first, he was in denial, refusing to believe that she could have done this. Thinking that she must be in danger, that this was not her. That she would never leave her Abhi. He laid in bed awake all night with her clothes in his arms, clinging onto them with dear life. But, as the days went on and she did not return, his pain, his sorrow started turning into what he convinced himself was hatred...indifference...he burried all of his emotions so deeply within himself that sometimes he would forget they even existed... and he left home to complete every single task on her bucket list...and while he told himself it was in spite of her, he knew it was in search of her....