The Exchange

The Shirt

Dr. Khera had told Akshara not to leave his sight. He had told her that they would now travel everywhere together. But, destiny had other plans. He had an urgent meeting pop up in his schedule and told his driver to take Akshara to the concert venue...to not let her out of his sight. He ordered Akshara to get ready as soon as possible and meet his driver downstairs. She silently nodded and told him not to worry. 

But, as she was getting ready, she realized she would be unable to go...her Abhi had taken her security, her protection, his own memory with him last night...he had taken her hoodie...the only thing that had enabled her to carry on for the past year...the only thing that had enabled her to sing for Maya..as Abhi was her music, and without him, she could not even fathom singing a single note. But with that hoodie, she felt his arms around him...getting the courage, the power to surrender her identity for Maya's. Now that she was left without it, she did not see a world in which she would be able to continue. 

She shook herself out of these thoughts...she had seen the desperation in Dr. Khera's eyes. She had heard his threats. If he did anything to her, she would happily allow it. She would not fight back. But, if he did anything to her Abhi, she would not be able to handle it...she would not be able to forgive herself. So, she walked to her closet, and took out the white shirt that she had used to protect their wedding photo for the past year...she took the white shirt and gently put it on...once again, imagining his arms around her. She held onto the sleeves as tightly as she could, imagining him holding her hand, imagining him walking alongside her...and with that, she left for the venue. 

However, her car broke down soon after she left. Terrified of how angry his boss would get, the driver immediately started calling a towing company, calling taxis in the area..but, he was met with no avail. He told Akshara to start walking there and he would follow shortly as soon as he got another car. Akshara silently complied, grabbing the new guitar Maya had given her from the trunk. 

And after just a few minutes of walking, she bumped into him...she bumped into him with all of the force in the universe, with all of the love in the universe...and they collided with such fierceness, such power that both of them fell to the ground on top of each other...as if it was deja vu..as if they had lived this exact moment before...as if life was recreating all of their precious moments...as if life was reminding them what it felt like to be one. 

They both had closed their eyes when they felt themselves falling, but before they even opened them, they knew who was in their arms. They both laid there, in the middle of the road for what felt like an eternity...not worried about the cars that would soon come, not worried about their lives, not worried about anything. When they finally opened their eyes, he got up first, then helping her to her feet. 

He immediately saw her wearing his shirt...the same shirt that had disappeared a year ago. He should have known...he should have known it would be with her...the same shirt that she had slept with whenever they were mad at each other...whenever he was mad at her...the same shirt that reminded her of him, the same shirt that she clung to when she missed him. And seeing that very shirt wrapped around her body, he knew she was yearning for him as much as he was yearning for her. But, he also knew how stubborn his Akshu was...he also knew that that the more he questioned her, the more he would push her away...further into her silence. So, no matter how hard it was, he had to appear distant...he had to give her the space, the time, the push she needed to come back into his arms. 

Her words pulled him out of his trance. "Abhi....maniyu. Tum yahan?" She asked...trying her best to appear disinterested, trying to act as if she did not care. But, in her voice, there was nothing but relief, but pain, but joy, but solace, but peace...she knew she would be leaving him forever in two short days...she knew that she would likely never see him again...so she thanked god for this moment...for yet another opportunity she had gotten to take him in, to stare at him as if it was her only purpose...to plaster his face into the depths of her soul. 

"Akshara mein ne bola tha na tumhe...tum mujse jitna hi bhago gi...tum mujhe utna hi kareeb pao gi...aur tum ne mujhse kya kaha tha? Ki hum nahi mil sakte...ki tum he jana he...ki tum yeh nahi karsakti...blah blah blue blue..." He laughed through his pain. 

"Phir yeh kya hai?", he asked sternly, grabbing the sleeves of his own shirt and pulling her into his chest, their lips inches away from each other. "Yeh kya hai Akshara?", he asked desperately...wanting to hear her say how much she missed him...that she missed him so deeply that she was using his shirt to fill his absence...

"Abhi mujhe chodo...Abhi please..." she pled as convincingly as she could. When in reality, all she wanted was to stay here...to stay pressed into his chest forever. 

"Abhi...." she said, tears rolling her eyes. He tried his best to ignore the tears, to keep staring into her eyes, to keep glaring at her...but he could not do it...so he pushed away more forcefully than he wanted...but he knew that if he watched her crying for a second longer, he would break. He turned his back towards her, telling her to leave. "Jao Akshara. Jao. Tumhe mere bina jeena hai na...toh jao...I won't stop you." 

And with that, he started walking away once again...his entire body, his entire existence fighting against him. But, if there was one thing he knew...if there was one thing he was sure of...the more they resisted each other, the more they tried to stay away, the more quickly they would be united, the more quickly they would be brought to each other...as their love was magnetic...they were magnets...they were magnets only for each other. 

And as she watched him leaving, as she watched him doing what he had done so many times before, she looked into the skies, sobbing. She asked god how many times he would do this to her...to them...how many times Mahadev...how many times Kahnaji...she pled...how many times would they have to break...how many times would they have to destroy themselves...how many times would they have to watch each other losing one another...