The Exchange

Wasted Sacrifice

Once they arrived at the hotel, Abhi asked Akshu to sit down on the couch while he went and spoke to the front desk about extending their stay there for a few more days. She was unable to stand up on her own, her feet falling weak. He gently helped her down, telling her to stay here until he got back. And the entire time, he did not lose sight of her. He was talking to the manager, but his eyes were on her....he would not let anything happen to her...and he was too scared to look away for even a single second. 

But a few moments after he left, she heard the words that made the ground crumble beneath her...that made her soul lose its life yet again...that made her heart shatter into millions of the smallest pieces. 

"Do you see that man standing there?" 

"Yeah, why?" 

"That's Abhimaniyu Birla...he used to be a doctor...a surgeon..." 

"So, what?" 

"Well, now he wanders the roads jumping off of cliffs and swimming with sharks and other nonsense. What a mess he made of his life." 

Hearing these words...hearing these strangers insulting her Abhi like this...her entire existence faded away. She could not tolerate them saying he had made a mess out of his life...but then, she looked at his face in the distance...seeing the life lost, his beard covering his pain, hiding the agony he had endured over the past year. Had he really quit surgery? And what was he doing wandering the streets? What was he doing putting his life at risk every single day? Infinite thoughts ran through her mind...how dare he put himself in danger...how dare he quit his profession, his calling....how dare he give up his first love? This was all because of her, she thought. This was all because she had broken him beyond repair...but, this time, it was her who needed answers. It was her who would ask the questions...

She slowly got up from the couch, steadying herself when she felt dizzy. She walked up behind him, grabbing his shoulder. "Akshu...Akshu mein ne tum he kaha tha na ki tum wahi raho...tum yaha kyun aayi ho? Chalo wapis chalo...dekho tumari tabiat theek nahi hai..." 

She jerked his hand away from her's and stared into his eyes, a single tear rolling down her cheek. 

"Akshu...", he asked, concern filling his eyes...fear filling his eyes.

"Abhi, tum ne surgery chod di?" 

With that question, his heart stopped beating. How was he supposed to explain to her that the reason she left...the reason she gave up everything...the reason she destroyed herself meant absolutely nothing to him? How could he explain to her that he hated the very hand that she had made her entire purpose, her entire calling. How could he explain to her that he hated his hand for taking her away from him...that even the thought of surgery pained him, tortured him. How could he even put into words how much he despised himself for not being able to make her understand that it was never his profession that mattered most to him...it was always her. 

But, this was not the time for all of this. This was not the time for this conversation. She was not well...he had to take care of her....the rest could wait. 

"Akshu, dekho..." 

"Nahi Abhi. Mein ne tumse kuch poocha hai....mujhe jawab do." 

"Akshu, upar chalo...room mein chal ke baat karte hain..."

"Nahi. Mujhe abhi jawab chaiye...aaj mein poochungi....kyu Abhi?" 

"Akshu...."

"KYUN?", she yelled, her voice cracking, her heart no longer able to hold back her sobs. 

"Kyun Abhi? Kyun....kyun...kyun?? Jis haath kilye mein ne sab kuch chod diya....jis haath kilye hum ek saal alag rahe...tum ne usko hi kurbaan kardiya??? Tumne meri waje se apna pehle pyaar kurbaan kardiya?? Abhi, tumhare patients ko tumhari zarurat thi...tumare hospital ko tumari zarurat thi....Abhi yeh tumhari pechaan thi...Abhi tum ne is sab ko barbaad kardiya...woh bhi meri waje se...Abhi mein tumko kabhi khush nahi rakh payngi...I'm sorry Abhi...I'm so sorry...." she said, unaware of the people that were now staring at these two lovers battling for each other's happiness, battling for each other's lives. 

She tried running away, going outside...wanting to escape the pain, the sorrow, the guilt...but he was not going to let her...not this time. 

He grabbed her arm, pinning her to the wall, cupping her face...she pushed his hands away, unable to look him in the eyes, unable to fathom what she felt she had done to him...he grabbed her face more tightly pulling it to his own face...pulling it as closely as he possibly could.

"Akshu...mein tum ko kitni baar bolun ki meri pechaan, meri jaan sab tum ho...tum nahi toh mera haath, mera hospital, mere patients...koi kuch bhi toh nahi Akshu...agar meri zindagi hi nahi toh mein kisi bhi aur cheez ke bare mein soch bhi kaise sakta hoon? Aur yeh tum kya keh rahi ho...ki tumhari waje se mein dhooki hoon? Akshu...tum hi toh meri khushi ho...." 

She looked into his eyes, feeling his breath so closely against her's. Unable to fully process what he was saying, she kept asking him.... "Nahi, Abhi....kyun...tum ne yeh kyun kiya...Abhi....", her voice getting fainter and fainter, her eyes slowly losing all focus....

He took her into his arms before she lost all consciousness, taking her upstairs to their room...taking her to where she belonged...holding her against him, gently wiping her tears...holding her so fiercely, so passionately....holding her, vowing to never let her shed a single tear again...