The Exchange

Her Everything

Maya's question caught her entirely off guard. No one had asked her that in the past year...no one had asked her about who she was, where she came from, what her identity was...and the truth was that that was how she preferred it. As she herself would not have had the answers to those questions...she did not know who she was anymore, she did not know what her identity was...perhaps it was because she had no identity...she had no belonging, she had no purpose. Without him, she was nothing. Without him, she did not want to be anything.

When she thought of Abhi, she felt that saying she was simply married to him was not fair...as that was not even close to what he meant to her. Yes, he was her husband...but more than that, he was the reason she breathed. He was her god. He was the blood running through her veins. He was the reason lived to see another day. As long as there was Abhi, there was Akshu. Without Abhi, there was no Akshu. And how could all of these emotions, all of these feelings be reduced to marriage? Because the truth was that from the moment she laid eyes on him, she knew he was the missing piece to her soul...she knew he was the reason her heart had been beating her entire life...in search of him, in anticipation of the day they would meet. 

And as all of these thoughts rushed though her mind, she did not even realize that she had began to lose control of her breaths. Her pulse was speeding up, and she felt her eyes lose focus. She knew a panic attack was coming...this one question had opened so many wounds within her...and the only person who could fill those wounds was not here. She got up from her bed, gasping for air...but no matter how hard she tried, she could no regain control. 

She needed to leave this room at once, she needed to go outside. She needed to get away from Maya...she needed to be alone. So, she grabbed her hoodie, and rushed towards the door. "Maya..." she gasped. "I'm sorry..."... "mujhe bhar jana parega..." 

Maya walked up behind her, telling her to sit down and answer her question. 

"Maya...." she gasped. "Maya, please..." "Maya I cannot breathe." 

And with that, she ran outside into the corridor, in the direction of the elevator. She tried covering her mouth so the people around her would not see what was going on...she did not want any attention, any eyes on her.  But, the more she tried to hide her panic attack, the more visible it became. People in the elevator asked her if she was okay and she attempted to nod as reassuringly as she could. It would be okay. All she had to do was go outside. There was a small lake right down the street. She would go sit there and the breeze would settle everything...