The Things That I Know || George Michael

five - must be feeling it

"O-On behalf of my father, my sisters and myself — I'd like to thank every single person who has come here today, to celebrate the life of my mother, Lesley. She was—" George halts a moment, to compose himself; for he feels himself getting choked up already. "Sorry. It's still difficult to get used to addressing her in past tense. B-But she was ... truly the life and soul of our family. She had the most wonderful, long life; and I'm thankful for that every single day. It's only what she deserved. She worked so hard, and did what she could for my sisters and I; to make sure we never had a single thing to complain about.

"She met my father way-back-when. Some time in the fifties. He'd come from Greece, and they connected immediately. They married, and had my two older sisters ... before then having me. Family life was perfect as a child. We weren't the richest family, but we had enough. Mum never let us go without. Even if she had to neglect herself, she would. Because she loved us so much. Things got better once my father opened his restaurant. Christmas was always my favourite time of the year when she was around; Christmas in the Panayiotou household was always the pinnacle of the year.

"She was always so accepting of who I am. Admittedly, she was the last to know about my sexuality, along with my father. But it didn't change how much she adored me, and I'll always appreciate that token of love. She also loved my husband Levi; and he loved her too. I was always in awe of just how well they got on together. She wasn't just a mother to my sisters and I — she was also a mother to our partners. As well as this, she was also the most wonderful grandmother. She was so family-orientated; they were her number one priority.

"There are so many things I could stand here and talk about today. All the memories we shared over the fifty-one years that I was blessed enough to have with her. But if I were to recount every single one, I'd be here until this time next year. So I'll keep it brief; and I'll keep it simple. Everything I wanted to say has been written in my letter to her, anyway.

"Mum ... " He turns around, to see the dark wooden casket perched behind him; this evokes a fresh set of tears to form in his eyes. "I just want to say th-thank you. Thank you, for loving us. Thank you, for being there for us. Thank you, for giving us the lives we perhaps didn't deserve, but the lives that helped us to thrive. Thank you for bringing me into this world, and for everything you did in the half-century I had you for. Life will never be the same again, now that you've gone. If I've learnt anything, it's that life can be taken in the blink of an eye; and it is so precious. Please rest easily, now. That's all I want for you. Be happy." He runs the length of his fingers over his waterlines, to rid the droplets that have gathered. "I love you, more than you'd ever know." He bows his head, avoiding eye contact with every person in the room as he heads back to his seat; on the way, he turns around to blow a kiss to the photo of Lesley that sits atop the coffin.

"You did fantastically," Levi compliments him, no louder than a whisper; after all, there are others who wish to make their own eulogies. He coils an arm around George, bringing him in closer as some kind of comfort as the funeral progresses on.

After a handful of other tributes, an interval occurs, in which some soft music is played as a time of reflection for the guests. George keeps his head down, not evening taking a second to observe his family nor his husband; for he is far too engulfed in his own grief. His mind wanders poignantly to all the good old times; but simultaneously, he cannot help but think of all the occasions he regrets. A prime example is Christmas Day back in 1986; although George was able to see Levi on that day, he left the celebrations at his parents' home in order to do so. Now, in hindsight, he would give everything to have spent that special day with his mother. He would give anything to be able to spend just another moment with her. The service soon reaches its end; the coffin is led through some curtains to close off the event. Seeing it disappear is the final blow; George cannot control his heartbreaking sobs as his face falls into the front of Levi's neat black suit jacket. Levi silently holds George, glancing around briefly to see a host of sympathetic expressions from other mourning family and friends. He spots Stephanie sat with Harrison, Drew and Alexander; their faces tell of just how saddened they are at this ordeal too.