The Things That I Know || George Michael

thirty-three - a lonely existence

Note: this chapter contains mention of trauma, homophobia and abuse.

• • •

"You've got someone here that wants to visit you."

Mackenzie's vacant staring at the same four walls is interrupted by the voice of a prison guard; his initial reaction is bewilderment, as he racks his brain in an attempt to figure out who could possibly wish to occupy his time. He furrows his brows at the guard in mild confusion, but nonetheless he rises from his mattress, following after him as they weave in and out of numerous corridors en route to the visitation room. Eventually, they arrive, so Mackenzie scans the room until his eyes fall on him.

"Levi?" he murmurs, astonished that Levi, of all people, should be the one to come and see him. He approaches the table that Levi is sat at, lowering himself down onto the chair opposite him. "Levi, what are you doing here? You were the last person I expected to see here today."

"I'm not playing games," Levi asserts, with a stern tone in his voice. "I came here today for answers. Answers for my own benefit. Because life is too short for me to continue on the way I have been, Mack. You have nothing to lose by being honest with me."

"What answers do you want?" Mackenzie presses, making the conscious effort not to present as hostile in any way. "What answers can I possibly give that you don't already know, huh?"

"I can think of plenty," Levi spits. "But we'll start off easy. Am I the first person you've done this to?"

"It's not really important, is it?" Mackenzie answers. "I don't see why it affects—"

"I said I'm not playing games," Levi cuts him off, his words tinged with agitation. "Am I the first person you've done this to?"

Mackenzie lets out a sigh, making no attempt to hide the lack of enthusiasm he has for answering the question. "You're the first person I threatened with a knife, if that's what you're asking."

"You know damn well what I'm asking," Levi retorts.

"Fine." Mackenzie drums his fingers against the wooden surface in front of him, already feeling uncomfortable with the exchange he is being forced into. "You're the first person I threatened with any kind of weapon. But I've told other guys I'd make their lives hell before. Obviously I just never followed through with it."

"So why was I so different?" Levi knits his eyebrows together, frustration building. "Why was I the lucky one to end up with a knife at my throat?"

"I-I don't know, okay? I don't know." Mackenzie daren't make eye contact with the man before him, out of guilt for the damage he has caused. "I've been rejected that many times, I was just so sick and tired of it. I don't know why people hate being around me so much."

"Well, being a stalker and threatening people's lives isn't exactly welcoming behaviour," Levi informs him, knowing full-well that he is stating the obvious. "I know about some of your past, as well. You dated George's ex-girlfriend back in the eighties too, didn't you?"

"I wouldn't even know who that is," Mackenzie admits. "Refresh my memory."

"Stephanie Carter. You made her life miserable. And she was only seventeen years old. You were twenty-two. You knew better," Levi reminds him, through gritted teeth. "You abused her. You manipulated her. You controlled her. And it took being with George for two years, to help her unlearn all the shit you put her through."

"Ah, Stephanie." Mackenzie seems to remember the name as soon as he hears it, entering a state of reminiscence. "She was gorgeous. Of course, as gorgeous as a gay guy can perceive a woman to be. She was stunning."