This Love (Belly's Version)

Chance

I couldn't sleep.

Technically I did, but only for a few hours. Everything that had happened last night stuck in my mind. It even haunted my dreams. I vaguely remember this panicked feeling, like I was exposed and unable to help myself. I'd always had this problem since I was a kid. I never screamed or jumped up when I had nightmares. I always leaned into them. Allowed them to continue no matter how horrid they were. I just couldn't control it. My mind had always been a place for fears to find sanctuary. I just played along with it. I turn over in my bed, grabbing my phone from my nightstand. I could feel Jaces back still barley touching mines. My body was on fire. It felt like I was gonna combust at any moment if I didn't get out of there.

6:30 am

Perfect. The sun had begun to shine through the windows more, allowing me to see around my room better. My door was slightly ajar. Perfect. I slowly stepped down onto the floor, a small creek coming from below. I could hear Jace slightly shuffle beneath the sheets. I slowly stood upright, turning towards the door. I paused, looking at Jaces sleeping face. She looked peaceful. I don't think I'd ever seen her look that peaceful. Wether it was a snappy remark or a creased brow, she was never relaxed. Rare moments like these made me appreciate her existence all the more. She shuffled again and I popped out of my gaze, slowly moving towards the door. I slipped through the one crack and peeked out into the hall. It was empty. But Conrad's bedroom door was also open. Wide open. Why was he up this early anyway?

"Conrad?"

I leaned closer to his door and whispered. No answer. I fully stepped out into the hallway, tiptoeing to his door. I peek between the door opening and his bed is empty. Huh, weird. Then my mind ticks. I know where he is. It doesn't take long before my legs guide me out to the beach. I see him the in the distance, a flicker of a flame coming from his hand, followed by a puff of smoke. Christ Conrad. I run to him and apparently the sand shuffles so much, he turns back. His face changes. He doesn't necessarily get disappointed but he looks...tense. What the hell was bothering him all the time?

"Hey Belly."

I smile and sit next to him. I feel the grains of sand stick to my skin. Familiar.

"Hey."

A moment of silence. In my head I had imagined that my mere existence would invoke some nice long conversation about whatever. But Conrad seems too busy smoking to keep talking. So I decided to make my fantasy come true.

"Let me-"

"What's up with you and Jace?"

His tone is light. Just simply asking a question. Then why did everything inside of me want to hurl itself out? I had came out here to forget about the messy head she gave me. And here he was, reminding me all over again. I shake my head and a short laugh leaves my throat.

"What- what'd you mean?"

I don't make eye contact. Something tells me that Conrad see right through me. See...whatever is was.

"I'm just asking. You guys seem close again."

My words are caught in my throat. The mere mention of her made my body and mind malfunction. And somehow it was worse coming from the only person I thought counteracted that. Conrad flips the blunt between his fingers for a moment, just staring at the burning paper.

"Y'know, if there's something more going on there, I'd completely support you Bells."

What? My face gets red and my eyes widen. I nervously laugh and shake my head profusely.

"Wha- what? Me and- and Jace? Something happening?? You're- you're crazy."

A smile appears on Conrad's face and he shrugs.

"Okay. Suit yourself."

I tucked my hair behind my ear to try and get the wind to cool my face down. What was he trying to say? First the car, then in the hallway, and now here on the beach. What could he see that I couldn't? I had an overwhelming feeling to ask him but that would be completely inappropriate. Besides, he was the boy I loved. No weird tension or past with a girl could change that. The sound of a door opening and closing loudly came from the house. It was weird how easily sound traveled through the windy air.

"Belly!"

Jeremiah's voice travels easily through the air too, along with the sound of his feet hitting the ground. Me and Conrad turn to look at him. There's a small white paper in his hand. Once he reaches us he leans over for a moment, catching his breath.

"Sorry....got here...as fast...as I could."

Me and Conrad shared a look, laughing at Jeremiah's lack of stamina. Jeremiah flips Conrad off but then turns to me and bows.

"For Madame Conklin."

He holds out the paper and I immediately know what's happening. I take it from him and read the it.

"Oh god, Mom got you another deb invite."

Conrad rolls his eyes and I feel a pang in my chest. Susannah had always wanted me to be a deb. She tried last year but I wasn't up to it. Well, I was but Conrad immediately shut the idea down. Said it wasn't me. But it didn't stop me from dreaming about us dancing together every night that summer. Then it clicks. This was my chance. My change to get closer to Conrad and to stop whatever weirdness that was going in between me and Jace. This could be the summer everything changes. Jeremiah holds up a pen.

"Mom said she wants your answer now. She seemed hopeful but I'll try and soften the blow."

I take the pen from Jeremiah and fight a smile. I prop up my knee and quickly write my answer and my name on the paper. Conrad's eyes are hyper focused of my writing as I make sure it's out of sight. I click the pen and hand the paper and the pen back to Jere. He looks at the paper and then back at me, a growing smile on his face.

"No way! You're gonna deb?"

I nod and look to Conrad for approval. Funny how I kept needing it. He looks just as surprised as Jeremiah. He smiles for just a quick moment. Barely there if you didn't stare at him.

"Cool."

I turn back to Jeremiah and his eyes are still on me. He's staring and the cold rush comes back instantly. I feel my smile drop and my gazes travels behind him. I stand, taking the paper from him.

"How about I give this to Susannah? Make it extra special for her."

Jeremiah's gaze doesn't leave me. He lets me take the paper and I wave to Conrad. He waves back, a long look on his face. I walk past Jeremiah and up the sand to the house, a surge of hope filling me.