Lamp oil

8. Sweat and rose water

Tobirama

I had burned myself badly only once.

It was when I was young and foolish and tried throwing the staff before I was ready for it. Thank God I was wearing plastic-free clothes or I would have caught fire. But unfortunately, there had been a little glitch between my trousers and my top where I had gotten a small but painful burn.

Now, I wasn't all that young anymore, but I was even more foolish, which was why I performed topless. I had no excuse for it; I knew it was stupid, but it was a risk I was willing to take.

This night, however, I wore a black, plastic-free T-shirt for the show. It was very, very unusual, but if I was deep in thought, or sad, or had a migraine, I did wear something extra for protection. And now I was deep in thought. And sad. And had a migraine.

As I twirled the staff, burning in both ends, loosely in my hands, I thought about what I had seen.

Who would have known...

Not me. Never in a million years. If someone had told me that that filthy, pathetic little man who apparently was not a drug junkie but a diabetic was a better ballet dancer than Madara, I would've laughed, spit in their face and told them to go fuck themselves for disrespecting my Madara. But I had seen it for myself.

And I felt ashamed.

I twirled the staff leisurely, threw it, caught it. Judging by the happy cheers of the audience, I was doing a good job. Not that I needed their cheers; I knew I was good, even when I was distracted. Even with my clothes on.

I turned to look at Madara. I frowned. He wasn't looking at me which caused me great discomfort as he was always looking at me. But not now. He was chatting to someone. A tall, handsome man. I saw only the man's profile, but just from that I could see the man had a beautiful, delicate face with beautifully V-shaped eyebrows. He had long, chestnut hair reaching his waist that gleamed and a pair of thick-times glasses that made him look very smart. I suddenly felt I was painfully simple. Simple and uneducated. The man said something to which Madara laughed and, to my great surprise, said something back which made the man smile. It made me incredibly uneasy. Pretty as he was, Madara got chatted up often. But he never flirted back. Why would he, when he had me?

When I was finished working at one am, I extinguished the staff in the ocean, but I didn't leave. Instead, I stood in the shallow, transparent water, breathing. Just breathing. A presence walked up behind me. I could hear his footsteps in the water, but even if I hadn't heard him approach, I would have known he was there. I smiled.

"Hello", I said.

Madara snaked his arms around me, hugged me from behind. I made to turn, but he held me put.

"No. Let me take care of you for once."

I succumbed, and we stood there for a while, relaxing. He moved his hands then, started massaging my back.

"You're tense", he said.

"I'm always tense."

"I know."

I smiled again.

We stood there for a while longer. A yellow moon rose over the horizon. I liked that. I liked when the moon arrived at night as the sun had left. When each half of the planet had one heavenly body at their disposal at a time. It felt good, somehow; balanced. I stood completely still in Madara's embrace, so still that I could actually see the movement of the moon as it rose over the horizon. It was beautiful, the movement. So was this moment.

"You already know this", Madara said. "But I love you."

I knew. He had never said it before, but I knew. I had always been worried about what would happen if he told me. I thought I would panic. I found, however, that I did not. Instead, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It didn't bother me that he said it. I felt calm. Not because I wanted him. But because I was certain that I did not.