Failure

Chapter 3: Making The Next Step

The day of 21st August 2015 is one of the days which I'll never forget. Well, it was the day my results came out. Not going to lie, I was confident in myself passing. I knew that I tried my best. So I just hoped for the best.

I got my results. It stated the following: E for English Literature and maths. D for English Language, and U for Biology. I was never the smartest person to mankind. But what hurts is the amount of time I put into studying. The number of times I almost gave up. But to be greeted by what I see on a piece of paper which I thought at first was going to decide your future hurts. I can see the world crashing through my eyes. Every teacher in school tells you that you need good grades for you to do well in life. I thought that my life was going to go downhill. I only wished for me to score some credits, especially in Maths and English, because I knew that I dedicated my time and effort to these two subjects. But most importantly, for me to be able to study in the future, well, that's if I wanted to pursue my higher education.

I thought at first my parents would be pissed off that I failed. I know that I'm not perfect. I know that I made my fair share of mistakes. But I knew that I could have made them proud because of the results I achieved. I accepted the fact that my older brother and younger sister are the smartest in the family amongst my siblings. But I knew that I needed to do something. I knew that I can't sit on my arse for the entire duration of my life.

So, I decided to take up personal training. I had a passion for fitness, so why not make it into something? I joined a fitness company at the age of 17. All I needed to do was pass an exam. Here we go with the exam bullshit. Sometimes I always wonder whether there's another way instead of doing exams. But I knew I had to find a way to pass that exam. Long story short, I failed the first time, and the second time, but manage to pass the third time. I remember how happy I was. This is one of the rare occasions that I manage to pass my exam. I remember telling my family, that it was a big deal for me to pass an exam. After passing the exam, I knew that I wanted to train people. I had clients on standby. I knew that nothing can go wrong. I have the papers, I have the clients, now I just need to wait for management to give me the contract. As weeks went by, there has been no movement. I asked my boss to check if there have been any updates. As time has gone by, there have been no updates from them. I thought to myself that why am I like the most unluckiest guy out there? Why is the world against me? I started to have second thoughts about pursuing a personal training dream. Whilst I thought about my personal training dream, I had second thoughts about studying. I knew it has been almost 4 years since I left school, but I had some unfinished business. I wanted to prove to those who did not believe in me that I failed school because of subjects that I was forced to do. Not because of myself being forced into subjects that I hated. That's why I believe school can either be two ways. A successful pathway for you to achieve in your studies, or another pathway for you to be humiliated by the school because you are not seen as a smart person.

Well, to be honest with you, I am not a smart person. The main reason why I wanted to go back is to firstly, gain some knowledge. I think I have a decent amount of experience for someone my age at the time. I've worked as a personal trainer, juice seller, PE assistant teacher at my old school, working as a production crew on a TV show, and many more jobs. So, I feel like I can use my experience as an advantage in the future. Secondly, just to prove that I can do the work which was given to me. I just knew that if I'm interested in something, I'll be more likely to do it. Lastly, I just wanted to go back to that education life. Working is nice, yes, you feel independent, get some money on the side, gain exposure, etc. But I just wanted to prove to myself that I can be someone. Someone who is not seen as a person who is not bright. I wanted to prove to my doubters that I can do it. As Jurgen Klopp said, "Changing doubters into Believers", this is a quote that sticks to my head. I can't wait to see the teachers at my old school, well, the ones who hated me, their faces when I tell them I'm not a person who is lazy or dumb. I'm fucking Lewis Knight. I'm not a lazy arsehole. I just wanted to prove to the haters that I won't back down.

I knew that I have to do a foundation sort of thing for me to enter a diploma. I always wanted to do Diploma in Mass Communication. But before that, I need to pass a certificate (equivalent to a foundation. But this is a gateway to entering a diploma).