Rage (Blue Rose Series Book 1)

Chapter 20

Four years ago.

Trigger warning: Self-harm.

I can't do this anymore. I thought to myself after I left the girl's bathroom at school and went to my locker. Randall, Avery, and Scott had convinced one of the girls in my gym class to take my clothes. I had to walk out completely naked to get the teacher since all the lockers were locked and all the girls had left already. Whistling and catcalls filled the room, and I ran to the coaches' office at the back of the gym. When I knocked on her door, she looked horrified and quickly put me in one of the school's uniforms for gym class.

"Are you okay?" a girl asked me.

I nodded and wiped my tears. She reached into her bag and pulled out one of those small packs of tissues. She sat down next to me and handed it to me. I used one and gave the rest back to her.

"Those guys are assholes."

"That's an understatement," I said out loud without meaning to.

You didn't talk bad about Scott, Avery, Randall and Noah.Ever. They could ruin you. I hadn't done anything to them; they were making my life a living hell. Well, not Noah who mostly just stood there watching. Sometimes he would step in but not enough to make them stop. I didn't want to imagine what they would do to me if they found out I was talking about them. But thankfully, the girl laughed.

"Totally. I hope you feel better," she said and stood up.

"Thank you."

"I'm Jessica, by the way."

"Lillian."

She smiled at me and left. I grabbed my bag and walked outside to see Mike, my foster father, waiting for me in his beat-up old car. I opened the passenger door and got it.

"The fuck you do now? I had to come all the way up to the school because they said you were walking around naked?"

I faced the window. "Someone took my clothes in gym class, so I had to walk out naked to get to the coach's office."

"You're such a liar." he started the car and drove away. "You did that shit for attention, didn't you? I'll give you all the attention you want." he placed his hand on my knee, and I pushed it away, making him laugh.

He touched me every once in a while but hasn't tried more. Yet. The tiny voice in my head said. I got to my room and laid on my bed. My room wasn't more than just a bed, dresser, and a small tv they had in here. I hooked up the Wii my social worker gave me and turned on Hulu to watch Ghost Whisperer. I woke up and went to the bathroom across the hall. It was dark inside the house, and I could hear the tv blaring in the living room. I got inside the bathroom and closed and locked the door. I did my business before standing in front of the sink to wash my hands. I stared in front of the mirror, looking at my hair, which was a poor excuse for a ponytail. I looked at my body which was way too skinny. Not just because I had little to eat, but I couldn't bring myself to eat.

I went back to my room and laid in my bed. I lay on my back and stared at the ceiling as thoughts rushed through my head. You're worthless. You're pathetic. You can't even stand up for yourself. You have no friends. No family. You have no one. One by one, they came to me until the tears started falling. I felt so much sadness before I felt nothing. Only numbness. I stared at the ceiling before mindlessly grabbing the bottle of pills I kept in my drawer for when I broke my arm. I had a good amount of pain meds and some other drugs I kept just in case. I grabbed a water bottle from my dresser and held the pills and water together.

I opened the cap and took the pills a couple at a time. Every group of new drugs told me to stop, but I didn't. I couldn't. This was it. No more pain. I felt sleepy. More sleepy than I ever had before. I laid down on my bed feeling nausea but too weak to move. I thought I heard the sound of my window opening, footsteps, and a voice. A deep familiar voice. I looked up, my eyes flickering. I heard him talking before he stopped, and the next thing I know, I'm in the hospital having my stomach pumped. I didn't know who had found me because Mike hadn't called the police.