LIVING IS NOT AN ART

Chapter 19

From December 29, 2013, to January 02, 2014

I'm the first to wake up, I take a cold shower, today I don't want to feel comfortable, as sleep presses me to go back to bed, I didn't sleep well and I'm scared to do it.

Steve said he would talk to Karol about picking me up earlier since the court ruled that I could be with mom until this afternoon.

I have all my things ready, I put all the gifts in a drawer, I don't want to take anything that has to do with my mother's family, in less than a quarter of an hour Steve will arrive, I am located in an empty room that gives a glimpse of the street, I don't want to waste a second more in this house, as soon as dad arrives I can feel better.

I hope so...

A yellow car pulls up in front, at first I doubt it could be him, but when he gets out of the car, I grab my bags and almost run down to the living room, I have to go through there to get to the front door, it's the most direct way to avoid the sideboard where any of my family could be drinking coffee.

When I get to the door I meet mom, my heart is pounding, Karol is wearing a purple robe, half smiling at me; I don't reciprocate her act, I keep my distance, with only one goal, to get to the door and run to Steve's car.

-Aren't you bringing your gifts? -I shake my head, she tries to hide her disappointment, but her eyes are so full of pain that it is impossible not to sympathize.

-Michael...

-I walk past him and open the door, just in time as Steve was about to knock, I walk past him too, head for the car, he's behind me half worried.

-What's wrong with you Michael?

-Nothing is wrong with me," I try to smile, although it doesn't look good because Steve notices it, turns his eyes towards the house, then redirects them towards me, the sun blinds me a little, but I can see his discomfort.

-Come on, I'll help you with that." He puts the bags away and opens the passenger door for me, he doesn't get in the car, he walks towards mom with a determined step.

They have an arduous conversation, I don't pay much attention to them, I feel a little dizzy, my blood starts to drop like the time I went with Steve to the consultation with Dr. Jones, I look in the glove compartment for the wet wipes to retain it, I look at my parents, a possible image crosses my mind of how they would look long ago, when they were young, if in fact Steve abused my mother or if they were really lovers.

Steve is already back in the car, he doesn't look very happy, when he gets into his seat he notices the blood, that increases his concern, so he doesn't avoid asking.

-Did Karol do something to you? -He's done a lot of bad things to me, just like you.

I just shake my head.

-Michael, you know you can count on me, if something bad or good happens to you, you can tell me about it." If he had told me that when I was conscious, I would believe him, but now I don't know the real from the unreal and the good from the bad.

-Dad, there's nothing wrong with the situation, I just want to get to know your world a little bit, that's all.

-In that case, you'll be spending New Year's in New York." Without further ado, he starts the car, which lets out a loud roar before pulling away.

-Why New York?

-You'll see

On the way to the airport we don't talk much, he just asks again if he should take me to the clinic, in view of the fact that I have been bleeding from the nose repeatedly and also the way I look, although it is nothing out of the ordinary seeing that we are in winter, therefore, by spring I should have recovered my vivid color.

I hope so.

I don't talk much with dad, I feel too sad, just like at mom's house I take refuge in a place, for my luck Steve rents a suite for each of us, with the excuse that he wants to give me space, although in reality he wants some time alone with his wife, I know because I saw a message from him that said that, therefore dad doesn't plan to introduce me to his partner, that makes me feel better; something to recognize him, since he has been very cautious about everything that concerns me, no matter that I already know what his intentions are, I would like to think that it is not so, but the truth has come to me from his main authors, then I can not do more than play in favor with everything I know or fall in the attempt.

Until December 31 we do nothing, Steve only stops by my suite to see how I'm doing, then he leaves with the excuse that he has a lot of work to do.

Nothing matters to me anymore, I wish I had stayed at the institution.

Here comes my depression again, I guess I already have you bored, but that is more than the plain truth, to say that I feel good or happy would be to deceive myself, besides, to say that a young person does not stop feeling bitterness or varying moods, is to say that the world is free of global warming or that sadistic people do not exist.

Lying on the big bed looking at the ceiling while the evening falls, those last shades that are lost with the darkness, remind me that my birthday is near, I feel like a thousand years have passed, I will not make a recount of all the events, it's just that so many things come to mind when you have free time, instead if you did not have so much time you would plan your whole life in minutes.

The New Year in New York is very interesting, everywhere you go you can feel the euphoria, the atmosphere is full of joy, even the countdown to the New Year if you were in my room, you would probably hear it.

Steve was right and I thank him for bringing me here.

I'm not going to say any more about it because I'd be telling you about a whole day of mine with nothing relevant.