Secret Admirer

Transgender Struggles

Optional music at the top! Will POV:
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AN: before you start reading just to clear this up I am not transgender and do not know the struggle as well! I tried writing it as best as I could so if it's rude or inaccurate please let me know! Also sorry for typos this is poorly edited!

  Today was a hard day I had a lot of body image issues, especially in my face. I feel like it's too feminine. I've tried lot of stuff! Even washing my face violently with just water like a cis guy would! I don't know how I fool people to believe I am cisgender.

  Kayla always tells me I don't really have a feminine face but I can't help but feel I do. Not to mention my feminine body. Although I use a binder I still feel major body dysphoria and today was one of the bad days. I did get a longer break today so it wasn't all that bad! Besides I couldn't let this get me down and ruin today. Even though It fucking sucked maybe today won't?

  I threw on a hoodie and walked out of the bathroom to see Kayla feeding someone Ambrosia. "Theirs a note on your desk" Kayla informed. I made my way to the desk and picked up the note gently. I read it.

I liked your shirt yesterday.
Where did you get it?
PS: I ate all your donuts

  Whoever this was. A literal angel...But my donuts? Cmon man. But if I was right before and it was Leo..oh gods that would be so awkward. Maybe I should talk to him about this, Before he develops further feelings.

  I wondered to Leo's bunker and knocked on the door. "Just a sec!" Leo shouted faintly from inside. A few moments later he opened the door wearing a orange camp shirt and grey sweatpants.

  "What's up man?" He questioned, leaning on the doorframe.

  "I got the shirt thrifting." I sighed as I pulled out the note from my back pocket. "I know it was you." I admitted. He just looked at me puzzled.

  "What was me? Are you ok amigo?" He asked as he snatched the letter from my hand. "Ooooo" He teased as he wiggled his eyebrows. Wait... It wasn't him? Or was he just a good liar?

  "You didn't write it?" I pondered. Then who wrote it?

  "It wasn't me amigo but whoever wrote it is a simppp" He taunted as he handed the paper back to me.

  "I gotta get back to work on my project but goodluck!" He said as turned away from me and closed the door behind him. Who was this secret admirer? Whoever it was I was gonna find out. Part of me hoped it was Nico but I knew he would never do this. Just Becuase I have a stupid crush on him doesn't mean he'll ever feel the same.

  I let out a sharp sigh and walked back to the infirmary. My feet were dragging along the grass in my yellow converse.

  Suddenly I saw a moment in the corner of my eye, I turned my head and saw him. It was Nico. He was wearing a black Arctic Monkeys oversized t-shirt, black skinny jeans and his classic aviator jacket. His mullet length black hair was blowing back in the wind. He was like a angel. Well... a really pale angel. He had a belt on and his sword at his waist, attached to his belt. I had to say hi. Or say anything.

   "Whey" He turned to me and raised an eyebrow. Oh no. I tried to say what's up and hey and it came out as a combination of both?! When I meant "say anything" I did not mean that.

  "Uh do you wanna hang out later?" I asked, getting myself in order.

  "Sure" He flashed a quick smile.

  "Does 5 work?" I questioned.

  "Perfect" He replied as he walked off. It's a date. WOAH. Will. It's not a date! It's a hang out! Oh my gods if it was just a hang oh why was I so scared? Just be yourself William. What could go wrong?

  Actually a lot could go wrong. According to Kayla I could have a heart attack or die from being intensely flustered, both of which are extremely unlikely. "But never impossible" Kayla pressed.

  "Kayla please don't remind me what can go wrong!" "I'm just saying" she huffed as she trotted away, to do gods know what.

  What should I wear? I walked over to my closet and grabbed a similar style shirt from yesterday and some baggy jeans.

  A few minutes later I had tried on at least two outfits and I didn't like either. I let out a exasperated breath and I marched back to my closet. I frantically scrambled through the hangers until I finally found something that might work.

  Turns out that outfit didn't work either. It all looked wrong. I hated the way my body looked. I looked like someone I wasn't inside, my body was just a mere reflection of someone I wasn't. A girl. I had boobs like a girl. And no matter how hard I tried I still knew they were their.

  I slid down the wall and sat in the corner of the bathroom, resting on the cold tiles, and I just started sobbing. Why couldn't I be like everyone else? Why couldn't I be like other guys? They were so effortlessly cool and masculine.

It wasn't fair.
It wasn't fair.
It wasn't fair.
It wasn't fair

I totally forgot about the hangout and just sat their and sobbed into my hands.
It wasn't fair. 

AN: I am not transgender and I do not know what the struggles are like! I tried to write it as best as I could but if any of this if offensive or wrong please let me know so I can fix it! Thank you!