Amnesia || LEVIHAN ||

Chapter 16: Never Again

Hanji's POV

Returning from the doctor's for a few ultrasounds, it was around the time that the baby would have its gender. I wanted another girl because I couldn't bear the thought of having another son. But alas, we're expecting a boy. Levi was busy at work so I drove myself home. Another son... another boy... what if my body can't handle this one as it failed when bringing Jayden into our life?

*   *   *

"Hanji?" I hear Levi's voice as he entered the house. After he calls my name, I could hear the soft pattering of someone's feet. "Hanji, we're home."

"Mommy!"

I turned off the TV, smiling softly as I see Raven running to me. "How's my little girl? Did you have fun at school, Raven?"

She nods her head as she buried her face into my stomach- gently, of course. "I did! Mommy, Eliza wants to play on Saturday at her house. Can I go? Pretty, pretty, pretty please?!"

"Of course, we can. Let me talk to her mommy and daddy tomorrow so I can find out where she lives so we can have a playdate, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy."

"Now, why don't you take a bath and we can make cookies? Mommy needs to talk to Daddy for a bit."

"Okay!"

Raven tossed her backpack on the ground as she ran to the bathroom to shower. Levi picks up her backpack and puts it to the side before making his way toward me. He looks at me with worried eyes... it made my heart droop.

"Hanji, what's wrong? How was the doctor's appointment?"

"It was... fine. Just fine... but we're getting a son. Levi, it's a boy."

I guess it was the tone of my voice that got Levi worried because he dropped everything in his hands. "A... another one?"

"Levi..." I whispered, feeling myself brimming with tears. "What if I lose him again? What if the same thing happens to this baby? What if my body fails me again-."

"Hanji, listen to me," He sighs softly, shaking his head. "I can't say that. I can't say for sure that you won't lose him, but I'm sure that we'll do better this time. We will take every precaution, and we will go to the doctor every week. I promise I'll do my best to ensure that the same doesn't happen to our next baby. Hanji, you're strong. Your body is strong. It wasn't your fault nor was it your body's fault for Jayden's death."

"But it was my body that strangled him to death before he could come out."

"That was bad luck. You couldn't control it... you can't blame yourself. Not that."

"I'm never giving birth to kids again... not after this one..." I cried into his arms as I murmured more words, "I just want a big family... I don't want to end it like this..."

"We can adopt kids. Once this baby is born, we can adopt kids. That's always an option, Hanji. We can have more kids without you giving birth to them. Don't worry, Hanji, your dream of having a big family will come true. Okay?"

I nod my head as he rubbed my back.

"It'll be okay, Hanji... I promise... things will be better. I will never put you through that pain. With all the power that I have, I will make sure that you never feel that pain ever again. You're so strong... and I love you for that. You can rest now... let me do the work. Let me do the worrying. It's my turn to be strong now."

*   *   *

It was my turn to tuck Raven in when she asked me a horrifying question. "Mommy, am I a big sister?"

"Of course, you are, Raven."

"Even if Jayden isn't here...?"

"You are always a big sister, Raven." I rub my stomach, smiling at her despite the pain, "And listen to me, even though you couldn't hold Jayden, you can hold this one. You're always a big sister, Raven. You will never be anything less..."

I kiss her on the forehead as her hand went to my stomach. "B-Brother?"

I nod my head, "Yep. It'll be another little brother."

"Will his name be Jayden?"

"It'll be different because Jayden is already your brother."

"What's his name?"

"Well... Mommy and Daddy didn't think of one just yet. Don't worry, it's not your problem. It's ours. We'll figure out a good name for your next brother, okay, Raven?"

Raven nods her head as she grips her stuffed animal tightly. "Okay, Mommy. Goodnight, Mommy..."

"Goodnight, Raven. Sweet dreams." I kissed her forehead as I tucked her in again. I left her nightlight on as I closed the door just enough so she can push it open with ease. I watched her drift asleep, and I was just upset to hear her ask that question. 

Why can't this be easier?