mikayuu fanfiction

straight through the heart

Yuichiro woke with a jolt at the movements directly behind him. Moments ago he was fading in and out of sleep, but now his body was on full alert, mind still catching up. He held his breath.

"Yu?"

The familiar voice calmed him from the adrenaline rush. He let out his held breath as Mikaela curled up against his back and gripped his shirt.

"Hm?"

"I can't sleep, it's too cold."

Yuichiro huffed in irritation. He was exhausted from the usual stress of having his blood taken and he was still angry from learning about Mikaela's earlier whereabouts. Adding to the recent shock and his brain being forced to follow, he snapped out his response.

"It's your fault you let that vampire take more blood than needed. Now if you don't die of blood loss, you'll freeze to death."

It stung. He tried not to feel guilty, but he changed his mind when he felt the other boy's grip loosen. He sighed.

"You idiot, it's fine."

Mikaela hesitated for a moment. Then he tugged on Yuichiro's shirt gently, as if Yuichiro was still half asleep.

"You sure?"
"Yes, I'm- augh! Mika!"

Mikaela wrapped his arms and legs around Yuichiro in an octopus grip. He held down the boy's arms and entwined their legs in a vice-like hold. While the boy flailed, Mikaela giggled until he was nearly headbutted.

"Woah, okay, calm down."
"No, you calm the hell down! And let go!"

Yuichiro could practically feel him pouting, but Mikaela did as he commanded. He untangled their legs and let go of Yuichiro's arms only to encircle his middle. Yuichiro struggled again weakly, but eventually gave up. Mikaela, sensing he had won, pushed his face into Yuichiro's hair and laughed.

While his friend's breath on his neck sent him shivering from the sensation, Yuichiro didn't feel that uncomfortable. He felt quite the opposite, like his skin and muscles were relaxing in the familiar and soothing presence.

And of course, Mikaela had to ruin it by sticking his freezing hands under Yuichiro's shirt.

"Uwah-! Mika, quit it!"
"Shhh, you're gonna wake everyone up..."

They both stayed still as a nearby child stirred in his sleep. They only relaxed when his breathing was back to the familiar rhythm of sleep.

By then, Mikaela had stuck the majority of his arms up Yuichiro's shirt and the poor boy nearly whimpered as he suffered. As he backed away from the hands, he was forced to get closer to Mikaela's embrace.

"... I'm sorry."

Yuichiro was tempted to look back but Mikaela just tightened his hold. Was he apologizing for stealing Yuichiro's heat? For never telling anyone where he really went? For...

Yuichiro shook his head. He felt like he was missing something important. But it must not be that important if he couldn't remember. He felt Mikaela shiver even as he warmed up and suddenly felt inexplicably sad.

"Stupid. It's... it's not your fault."

Mikaela curled more against Yuichiro's back and tangled their legs again. They were so close Yuichiro could feel his chest move as he breathed. As their breathing began to sync, his eyelids felt heavy as he neared sleep. Mikaela wasn't cold anymore. His breath felt warm on Yuichiro's neck.

"I'm sorry, don't be unhappy anymore..."

A painful lump swelled in Yuichiro's chest. He was tired, a little annoyed, and so, so sad. He couldn't explain it. It made his breathing hitch and he wanted to cry but the mass of emotion clogged his throat.

"I wasn't thinking, I'm so sorry-"
"Shut up! It's not your fault!"

The feeling threatened to swallow him whole. He clawed at his throat, aching to end this suffocating something. Why did it hurt? Why couldn't he remember?

"Mika..."
"I'm glad you thought of us as family in the end. I'm glad you thought of me as family, Yu."

He was choking. He couldn't look at Mikaela now. It would be too painful.

He stopped breathing and shuddered. He was starting to remember why. Why this Mikaela was apologizing, why he couldn't get his lungs to cooperate, why he couldn't get himself to turn around and look at his best friend.

Because Yuichiro left him to die years ago. This was his imagination reacting strongly to his repressed emotions, strong enough to fabricate false memories and turn them into something that should have been a soothing dream. It was a dream and it was a lie.

The worst part was he didn't want to wake up. He was ruining it by remembering. He had felt so safe moments ago.

But now that he had figured it out, he calmed down immensely. It was amazing and disconcerting how dreams worked. He could really feel Mikaela holding him, breathing against him. He missed him so much. His heart sunk once again. He was going to wake up soon.

"Don't forget your promise. We're all counting on you."

---

When he woke up, he was surprised to see he wasn't tangled in sheets. He was glad to find his cheeks dry of tears. He couldn't be left vulnerable for the demon lending him her strength. But he couldn't escape the raw wound the dream left at his core.

Yuichiro wanted to be forgiven. He never thought of what Mikaela's plan led to as Mikaela's fault. He took on the burden himself. He wasn't strong enough at the time to save them. He couldn't stop the vampires from cruelly taking everything he cared about away from him.

He couldn't stop them from turning his best friend into the species he promised to wipe out. How ironic it was, to have his blade run through the person he least expected to see, the person he didn't know he wished to see the most.

He has another promise to keep. He will see Mikaela again. And this time he will save him.