Sugarpill

20- Sick Muse

Sick Muse

                I stood there, in the room. Pennel looked pale, and jittery. The doctor had taken what he needed, and given the blood to the Phlebotomy Lab, to perform the tests. She rubbed her arm, looking to me, then back to the floor.

                “Hey…it’s gonna be okay,” I said.

                “I’ve always tried to be careful…how did this happen?” she asked…it was more of Pennel using the question as a sounding board to think, and not asking me directly. I sat beside her, placing my hands on her. “Pennel, it’s gonna be okay,”

                 “No, it’s not. You don’t have to deal with this,” she said. “I was supposed to go to school, and become a surgeon. I wasn’t supposed to get pregnant until my 31st birthday,”

                 “Pennel. I am here with you,” I said. “Doesn’t that mean anything?”

                 “You don’t love me,” she etched out, starting to cry. “If I decide to go through with this, I would be doing it alone…I can’t,”

                 “Pennel, stop. You can’t make me love you…no matter what you do,” I said. “We have history. The most I can muster at this point is to care for you…as a friend. If you decide to go through with this pregnancy, I’ll support you. I want to be a good father, if that is the outcome,” I reinforced.

                 “But why? I can change!” cried out Pennel.

                “Like the way you changed in Hilton Head? That kind of change?” I snapped at her. She lowered her head, sniffling. “That is SO unfair, Mitchell…I’m trying to make peace, and you keep throwing that back in my face,”

                “You are only trying to do what gives you the better advantage at the moment,” I said. “You don’t care how it affects me, Meridian, Jassandra, my parents…anyone. It’s all about you,”

                 Pennel slumped over, crying even more. I really felt rotten, having to say what I had, but it was the truth. She looked up to me with pleading eyes. “Why are you doing this to me?!” she cried in a high pitch, squeaky voice.

                 I let out a sigh. It was painfully obvious that this whole matter between Pennel and me was going to be very complicated. I sat beside her, putting my hands around her as she continued to cry…her hands made their way around me, as she leaned into my shoulder. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I’m sorry,”

                  “Pennel…we have to work through this,” I said.

                 She kept crying, as I brought her face into my view. I could see the fear in her eyes…Pennel was always a woman, with a plan. No matter what had come her way, she always had an answer for it. This was the first time that I had noticed, how scared she was, because she didn’t have a solution to her problem. I wiped the tears from her eyes, as she tried to quell her whimpers. “God, I could use some coke,” she squeaked.

                  I laughed, a little, as did she. The doctor returned to the room. “We should have the results in a few days. In the meantime, just go home, and relax,”

                  “Thank you for accompanying me,” said Pennel, as we stepped out the elevator, into the lobby. “You didn’t have to come, you know. I know you hate me. I know you’re angry with me for the stuff in Hilton Head. If I could take it back”-