Sparkling Cosmos {A Torchwood Story Two} [COMPLETED]

20. Love Me Don't

I wake on the sofa that hasn't had Owen in it for a few days now, which bums me out more than I previously thought it would've. But apparently it doesn't matter anymore - Diane's taken my place in our bed.

Speaking of, where're the sex noises? They've been at it since she got here. I sit up and swing my legs round til I'm upright before Owen dashes out of his room fully clothed and surprisingly Diane-less, and says so fast I can barely register it, "Ineedtogedtothelandinarea."
"Uh, what?" I ask, and he repeats louder,
"I need to get to the landing area!"

Then he books it out of the apartment and leaves me wondering what's going on. I strain my ears to hear him panting down the stairs (the lift's broken) and the engine of his car starting, and only just hear the flutter of paper in our room.
I turn to the door and spot a crumpled sheet of paper hovering a centimetre above the ground. It looks like it has writing on it, so naturally I pick it up and read it.

Although I wish I hadn't, because it confirmed my most evil thought that had been flashing through my mind these past few days: Owen has fallen in love with Diane. And now she's leaving.

I use my free hand to rake through my hair and tug on the split ends in despair. Alone, sitting on the floor that I hadn't realised I'd sunk to, I feel a stinging sensation in my eyes. And my nose. And the inside of my mouth is starting to taste salty. Am I...?

Great. I'm crying over Owen. And I'm in love with Owen. Fan-fucking-tastic. And what would it matter anyway? He's in love with Diane, feeling more vulnerable and scared and alive than he's ever been with me, and she's flying away in her plane forever, leaving a broken Owen.

He's going through it again; they're abandoning him again. And I'm still here, I'll always be here for him, but now he won't even look at me like that anymore because he'll be so wrapped up over the woman that isn't here anymore. Again.

Okay. Get up you weak little bitch and go make yourself some toast. You're gonna eat, get dressed, go to work, and pretend you've never been in love with Dr Owen Harper. It's the least you can do.

~∆~

"Evy?" I hear Owen ask from across the room, and I look to the front door that he just walked through. His eyes are tired; his gorgeous mouth is turned down so far that he could've been a clown.
But, no. I'm clearly the clown here.

"Hi," I say sincerely, and slowly put down the stuff I was just about to leave to work with. Surprisingly, he comes over to me, but doesn't say anything. Doesn't even try to. He just sighs, a long sigh that really means he has been through some shit lately. Me too, buddy. Me too.

We stay like this, silent, unmoving, afraid to talk, for a while. Until finally, "Can I talk to you?"
I shrug. "Sure." I try so hard to convey no emotion in that word. It's so difficult.
He doesn't say anything else for a while, and then, with more emotion than I can handle, says, "I'm so sorry, Evy. For Suzie, for Gwen, for all the random women, for-"

"For Diane?" I demand. No point in beating about the bush. He doesn't reply, so I speak for him, voice slightly wobbling.
"You love her, don't you? You knew Diane for a week, and you fell in love with her, and now she's left you. So now you're back to me. Because Gwen stopped it with you, Suzie's dead, and no stranger knows you like I know you."

"It's not like that with you, Evelina," he begins, but I hush him, and he falls silent.
"I'm just your side piece, I know. I've figured it out by now. I'm the one you go to when nobody will have you. When nobody else will shag you, I will. Because I... I..."

I falter. I can't bring myself to say it.

Owen wants me to say it. He wants me to say something. I'm stuck in the middle of this sentence, somewhere between expressing the colossal amount of pain I'm in and confessing my love. I can't do either.

I'm in love with Owen Harper. And the sad fact is, I shouldn't have.

I can't bring myself to say anything else. I get up and walk to my room. He doesn't follow. I close the door and lie on my bed, popping another ibuprofen to ward off the impending sense of something in my head.

Owen's POV

Slowly and silently, I pad across the carpet to her bedroom. I don't open the door, but instead lean my head against it and imagine all the things she could've said to me.
Even if she had said a million hateful things, I wouldn't have cared. I deserve them all for what I'm doing to her.

This thing with Diane made me realise what my feelings for Evelina actually mean.

Tears start to leak as I whisper, too quiet for her to hear, "I love you, Evelina Cosmo Firestone - and I'm more sorry than anyone in the universe that I can't seem to show it."