Sparkling Cosmos {A Torchwood Story Two} [COMPLETED]

18. Go Research Jonquils

Owen's POV

Obviously, Gwen never spends the night at mine. Her boyfriend would get too suspicious - even though he must be thick as two short planks to not realise his bird's having an affair.
So she always leaves some time before midnight whenever we hook up, which is probably like once a week... at least. Meaning that soon afterwards, if she's not asleep herself, Evelina slips under the covers and goes to sleep.

Sometimes I lie on my back wide awake, hands over my bare stomach, thinking up ways to reach out across this massive canyon we've put between us. But I know my Evy, and I know she doesn't want anything to do with me until I see sense and stop with Gwen.

But... she's so good in bed.

I'm disgusting. I can't stop shagging a practically married woman and stop hurting my friend just because I'm greedy. Who am I? Guaranteed, if Katie met me now, she'd never have fallen for me.

Anyway, Gwen always leaves and sometimes Evelina takes her place, albeit on the other side of the mattress. I can't remember how long it's been since this has become the unspoken transgression - but this morning is definitely the first time I've woken up and been the only one in the whole flat.

I rush into the kitchen totally naked, not caring about who can see through the massive windows. Evy is nowhere. She's never left the flat for work before I've joined her; it's just the rule we have. We both work at the same place, why not carpool or have someone to chat to while walking?
Her flowing coat is gone, as is her bag. She's left without me. That's so mean!

I get dressed quickly and grab my keys before heading out the building and speed walking through the Atlantic Wharf. No time to feed the ducks today - although I do get enjoyment out of this particular family of Bald Eurasian Coots that fly across the lake to attack other birds for literally no reason.

After leaving the lakeside to go round the Premier Inn to the bay, I dodge round people and reach the stairs before the reception office to see Evelina standing at one of the docks. Just standing; not doing anything, not holding anything, just closing her eyes and tilting her head slightly upwards. Her black hair snakes behind her in the wind, giving an illusion of being underwater.

And then it's not an illusion anymore.

Without any other noises than a neat splash, she runs the entire length of the docking and dives headfirst into the water. Fuck! What the fuck is she doing?! Can she even swim? Are Time Lords even buoyant?!

I sprint down the stairs, taking two at a time and almost falling over myself. Nobody else has noticed - how?
I thud across the dock, hesitating before I tip over into the sea myself, and just see a waving body slowly sinking.

Oh my God. Is she killing herself? What the fuck is going on?

I'm stuck between going in there myself and waiting to see what happens, before a noise finally comes from her. It's almost heartbreaking, even from above water.

She's screaming.

Her body underwater punches above her and yells with such a frustrated force that I stumble backwards like she's in front of me pushing me away. It all makes sense: she's acted so composed this whole time, because instead of going ham on me she's been shouting into the belly of the bay.

Between her fists I spy the rock that Toshiko gave her for Christmas, the only piece of Gallifrey her home planet found on Earth. I knew she'd been keeping something from me - I've just been too jumped up on hormones to notice.

There must be a specific heart-wrenching feeling for being homesick for a place you've never been before.

I've been standing here for long enough. Time to leave her be; what else can I do?
I walk back along the dock and along the wooden planks to the front of the Hub, opening the front door with a contrastingly happy jingle. Ianto appears from his private space behind the desk, giving me a smile with lifeless eyes behind them, and I assume I offer a similar one back.
Then I use the lift to the Hub, walk to the old tartan sofa, and sit down. And do nothing.

Okay, I admit it, I'm a rat bastard who even looks a little like a rat, sleeping with my coworker and neglecting the closest living person to me in the world. How can I change that? Well, first of all, I need to stop with Gwen. And I'm serious: I have to deflect all the side-eyes she gives me at work, need to tell her I no longer crave the feeling of her hand at the base of my spine as we bump uglies til night falls. No more affairs. If I want to regain Evelina's trust, help her with this trouble she has with Gallifrey and her identity, I need to do what's right. Second - what can I do besides not Gwen?

Thinking back to the image of her underwater, my spine straightens. The coat! Last Christmas I repaired it and added some things specifically for her, including embroidery of jonquils surrounded by ivy. She knows what it means. I could go one step further and get her some! Jonquils, obviously, not ivy; I have no idea how I could fit it on her desk.

Now, I've never been one to do flowers, or even apologies, so this is out of character for me. So out of character, in fact, that I pop over to the desk of the only other person who knows Evy best, Tosh, and ask her to help me seek out jonquils.
After a series of confused expressions, she agrees and takes me to this flower shop that I never knew existed, and we pick out the exact flower I need. The shop assistant asks who they're for and I pause before replying. Fuck if I know what to put down.

Nevertheless, I buy a bouquet wrapped in cellophane accompanied with a note of apology, and I place it on her desk at the same time the cog rolls open. Evelina walks into the Hub sopping wet, dripping everywhere she's walking. It's making such a mess that Ianto comes into the room and huffs.
"Eve, I have to clean this up now!" he complains with an edge to his accent, and she apologizes sombrely.

Evelina hangs up her soaked coat and splats across to her desk, taking care not to drip over her seat or table. I pretend to shuffle admin documents at my desk next to Tosh's, but I'm not fooling anybody. My eyes are firmly glued to her.

Evelina notices the bouquet laid on her desk, picks it up with a look of surprise, and reads the note... before chucking it all into the bin.

My feet can't move; they're stuck to the floor maybe forever, always in this moment; always watching her face crumple then harden.

"Owen? I'm sorry," Toshiko whispers across from me, but I can't be bothered to reply. The only person I want to talk to is clearly not going to talk to me again.