Sparkling Cosmos {A Torchwood Story Two} [COMPLETED]

23. The Talk (Not The Sex One, The Other One)

"Okay," Owen says on Tuesday before work, while we're getting dressed in silence, "Before we go to work, I think we should talk. Like, actually talk, not make snide comments and bitching about each other which I know we've both been doing."
I try to play it off: "Bitching about you? A Time Lord would never, on my honour..." but then I see his eyebrow raised in the who-are-you-kidding look, and I sit down on the side of the bed in my shirt and pants.

Owen sits next to me, and there's dead awkward silence for a full minute, him pursing his lips trying to figure out what to say, me puffing out my cheeks then exhaling for something to do.
Finally, he speaks. "I meant what I said in the hospital. About wanting to change. But, to be totally honest... I'm an arse. A total bastard."
I can't resist the joke at his face: "You mean rat bastard?"
He offers me his trademark condescending smirk, then says, "Could I possibly carry on without you bullying me?"

I nod solemnly, and he carries on. "Since I joined Torchwood, since Katie left, I've had this well of anger deep inside me, right? That I've just filled up with sex and alcohol and work. And, to be honest, it worked for a long time. Before Diane."
I suck in a breath. I knew he was going to talk about her; I'm still not ready though.
"Are you okay?" he asks me, his tone concerned, and I nod again so he can continue.
He does so: "Diane... I don't know what it was about Diane. God, I really - I swear I don't know what she did to me, Evelina, otherwise I would tell you. I think... I think..."

"She reminded you of Katie," I interrupt quietly, averting my eyes so I can't see his reaction, and after a period of silence he replies seriously, "I think so."

"So where does that leave us?" I say.
Silence again.

Slowly, as if thinking about the words as he says them, "I want us to still be friends. With benefits again, even, I mean if you still want to, I would understand why you wouldn't after all the stupid shit I've done recently. But... it's just... I didn't realise til Diane how much I've been repressing shit. I think I need to-"
"Start therapy?" I interrupt with a side smile, alleviating the tension for his sake, and he raises his arched eyebrows before giving a smile himself.
"Something like that," he comments, still smiling. "But for now, I'm gonna start with telling the truth, to everyone and myself, cuz the NHS is fucked for stuff like this."

"Yeah, they only really come into their own in 2042," I reply, and he releases a snort and shakes his head.
"What am I gonna do with you?" he asks jokingly, and I just withhold from a sex joke and instead chuckle with him. I don't want to go there yet - I want to secure our friendship again first.
No matter what happens with Owen, he needs to know I'm still his friend. Someone close, with whom he can fully trust.

Whilst deep in thought, his laughs wind down, and he ends up looking at me silently. It's beginning to unnerve me, so I wave a hand in front of his face. "Hey, Owen; still in there?"
He focuses on my hand, then my face, and shakes his head like he's just been underwater. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, just thinking, you know? You know what thinking is, don't you?"
"Shut up," I tease back, but I can tell there's something on his mind. For a foolish moment my hearts jump - but I can sense immediately afterwards that it wasn't the cause of Owen.

"Evy, I- Evy?" he stops himself to ask me, but I can't hear him over the laughs.

And it's not just the laughs: it's the beats of four, the heartbeat of a Time Lord I have only heard and never seen; the Rift gearing to wake up in my mind again; all these different things in my head revolving round until I feel like I can't do anything but listen.
I feel myself getting hotter and hotter, like a furnace firing up, and my legs give way even though I was sitting down. I can suddenly feel carpet on my back, the bristles rubbing the backs of my legs - the slight burn barely registers next to the burning in my head.

"Evelina!" I hear over my head, and I try to look but all I can see is bright white. Like the entryway to heaven in children's play books. Like a dream.
Then I blink and it slowly molds into Owen, staring over me with his mouth agape and his eyes round in worry.
"What is it? Is it the Rift?"

I haven't had time through all the hating/loving him to explain about the laughing and the potential Time Lord intruding in my mind, so it's easier to just nod at the Rift.
His expression grows cloudy, and he hauls me up and presses a glass of water from the bedside table to my lips. I gulp the water down thirstily and ask him for more, so he can leave the room whilst I try to probe my own head for answers.

It only hurts more.

I moan in anguish, and glass shatters on the kitchen floor. Owen runs to me and pulls me into the recovery position, though I feel that won't help me at all.
"You're not going into work today," he says firmly in his doctor voice, "You're not well at all, and being near the Rift will make it worse."
"No," I protest weakly. "Tosh has her grandfather's birthday today; I'm filling in for her."
"No you're not."

I give him a look. "You know you've never been able to boss me around, Owen."
His mouth goes into a straight line, knowing I'm right, then he sighs. "All right, you got me. You can come into work - but please don't go to the building. Let Tosh do it. You're not in a fit state; I'm gonna spend the day treating you."
I roll my eyes, but I know it's the compromise we have to land on. Because Owen's eyes are stormy, and his tone has grown into a permanent growl since I mentioned the Rift.

All the while as we walk to work, I sneak glances at my coworker. I have a feeling something is going to snap in him soon, and I'm afraid that none of us can stop it.