if i wanted to i would

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how many times was I able to do something,
but didn't

always afraid of what would happen if I would,
let myself go just a single time

listening to my inner voices, desires,
slowly closing the door to my heart,

again and again,
the part of myself that wanted,
that also would,
bumping against the door,
screaming for me to let it out,
begging for me to let myself go...

but never once was there a time that I would
but there were tons of times where I wanted

it doesn't make sense...
but again in a world so miserable,
so confusing,
tearing every single one of us apart,
what does...

there's not a day that goes by,
where I feel my heart
quietly knocking on the door I closed,

unable to let it be free...
because I'm scared of what could be

m-

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