Gone.

Chapter 1

The wind was softly flowing through my hair. It was gentle, almost like life. The sun was shining oh so brightly. I squinted my eyes to look through the haze, although I couldn't believe what I was watching.... I didn't want to let my eyes drift away, even for a second. It was almost unbearable, the pain I felt throughout my entire body. The tightness of my chest, and the cool tears that numbed my face as the fell quickly off of my checks. I didn't know what else to do besides watch them lower his body into the ground. Nor did I risk to walk up there and take a glance at his beautiful face as it fell. The day that i had dreaded my entire life was here, finally. I was lost, and I was scared. I had lost the only thing that had made my life worth living, and now I had no idea how I was going to survive.......

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I climbed into my car and started the engine, I listened to it purr for a while. It was a familiar sound and it was comforting to listen to. I laid my head on the steering wheel and hit my fist on the dash as hard as I could. He was gone. Not gone for the day, or gone on business, but truly and finally gone. I finally lifted my head up and pulled the car into drive and drove of swiftly. I raced down the far too familiar streets with memories of him running through my head at every stop light and corner store. I finally pulled up to my house, OUR house. I walked up to the door and unlocked it. I slowly stepped inside looking around, memories of him were everywhere. I sat my keys on the stand by the door and walked back into the bathroom. I opened the cabinet door and took down the bottle of Tylenol, I shook two out of the bottle and threw them to the back of my throat and finished it with a quick drink of water. I went to sit the bottle back up in the cabinet and my hands were so shaky that I knocked down a few other bottles. I started to pick up everything out of the sink and put the bottles into their places. At the bottom of my sink sat a shiny piece of metal. I picked it up and looked at it in the light knowing far too well what this piece of silver was. I closed the cabinet door and walked off into the bedroom with the shiny object still in my hand. I sat on my bed and twirled the object in my hands watching the light reflect off of it like I had many times before. I shoved the blade into my night stand, laid down and told myself "Not tonight, Not again."

When I woke it was dark outside of my window, I rolled over and looked at t the clock, 3 AM of course. I don't even remember falling asleep earlier. I rolled out of bed and walked into the bathroom, I looked in the mirror. I looked even worse than I did before the funeral. This was not how I had expected to spend the day.... Or yet any day. I splashed water into my face and patted it dry in with a towel. I tossed the towel into the laundry hamper and walked out of the bathroom. I found my way into the kitchen and opened the fridge, nothing in here looked good. In reality nothing at all sounded good besides to lie in my bed and cry and to never leave the house ever again. I grabbed a bowl of pasta out of the fridge and put it in the microwave; I sat down at the table waiting for my food to finish cooking. I heard the beeping multiple times, but I never moved. After a while I lost count of how many times the microwave had gone off; when I finally went to get the pasta it had been a good 20 minutes. I sat the bowl on the table in front of me and poked around at the bowl taking the occasional bite here and there. I finally just scraped the majority of the food in the trash and placed the bowl in the sink. I walked into the living room and flipped on the T.V. I searched through the channels for a good 10 minutes until I decided on Criminal Minds. I sat there and watched the show for a while, focusing on Matthew Grey Gublar's character Spencer Reid. I dozed off a couple times watching the show. When I started to see the sun rise I looked at the time and it was 6:36 AM and I decided I better go to bed for a couple hours before I go back to work. I walked back into the room and lay down in bed falling to sleep quickly.