𝑹𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏

Chapter 6

Jeremiah

Mental health and mental problems are no joke. Intrusive thoughts are fucking crazy. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, ADHD, and other things are nothing to be talked down on.

Now you probably don't fucking care about me or my problems but I honestly could give two fucks about how you feel.

Let's go back to when I was eight. That's when I was diagnosed with social anxiety. I had my friends speak for me in class and some days I just didn't get out the bed. It was even worse at home. My psychiatrist said I developed it because I never had room to express myself. Which is true I didn't, when you have a dad who thinks he's the king of the fucking world and can do what ever he wants and whenever he wants without a care in the world, you never get a word in. It's gotten better but I still have my moments.

When I hit fifteen I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression, the ADHD was something that just happened with age and my surroundings but my depression came from when my mom told me she would be in the hospital until her last day. That fuck broke me. It got even worse later on down the line when I found out about Savannah. I'm still recovering from that till this day, I'm not used to losing a love one, and it's been six years... a hard six years.

Anyways enough about that let's get back to now. I'm still in the hospital but luckily I get out in the next hour.

"Hey, why are you out of bed? Get back in the bed now Jeremiah."

"Okay listen with all so respect Silvia I'm getting claustrophobic I can't fucking breathe and I haven't felt like this in years." I pranced around the hospital room while breathing heavily as if I ran a marathon.

"Okay sugar just breathe, in through your nose out through your mouth. Her hole my hand and we will do it together." I nodded and held her hand and matched her breathing. "There you go, in and out, in and out." She placed her other hand on my chest. "Good, now continue to do that while I talk, I have some stuff to tell you. Your dad is going away for a while on a mission which means you and your siblings will be staying with me and my two daughters, I know you don't want the help or the company and you'd rather be alone but right now your thoughts are gonna get the best of you and I'm not ready to lose you." I nodded and continued to breathe. "Now he just left and your sister and brother are in the car with my guards waiting on us, I signed the release papers so you get out early. Also sugar don't let those thoughts get to you. I love you, your siblings love you, and your mom loves you. I don't want to bury you."

"Okay." I sighed and let go of her hand.

"You better sugar?"

"Yes I'm good." I picked up my bag that Silvia brought for me and I put it on my shoulder. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Can you ask it while we walk?"

"Yea, why do you treat me like I'm one of your own? Like I get you care of me and the twins and stuff and give out missions. But you treat us like your our mother."

"Well i treat you like your my own because I never had a son, when you were born I was there because I was very very very close friends with your momma, plus I don't think she told you this but legally I'm your godmother, so I'm gonna do my role as your godmother and treat you how you deserve to be treated without the worry of being hurt by a man who's supposed to love you. Same goes for the twin I'm there godmother and imma do a good damn job at being sugar." I smiled at her answer.

"I'm shocked she never told me that you were my godmother, holy fuck I missed out on hella Mother's Days and fucking birthdays, I'm so so sorry I'll make it up I promise."

"Okay one stop cursing so much and two don't worry about it sugar, you still being here is all the presents I can ask for."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

I opens her car door for her I then got in the backseat with my siblings who practically jumped on me as soon as I got in the car.

"We missed you Jae!" I hugged them both even though it caused me pain I still hugged them back.

"I missed you too."

The ride to Silvia house was quite mostly because I'm still recovering so I'm sleeping and the twins are snuggled into my side. They are each wearing one of my hoodies which is fucking huge on them but it's cute.

I woke up when I sensed we were almost close to her house. I looked bedside me and saw little bodies curled into my side.

"They love you Jer."

"Yea, I love them too." I started to let my thoughts get the best of me and I stared out the window.

"What you thinking about sugar?" I jumped a little at the sound of Silvia voice.

"Huh?"

"What you thinking about sugar?"

"You don't want to know Sil."

"If I didn't want to know I wouldn't have asked."

"Sil, please."

"Talk Jeremiah."

"It's an intrusive thought, that I was considering doing but I wouldn't have succeeded. You think I could go visit Savannah grave tomorrow."

"Yea I don't see why not. Do you want me to go with you or-,"

"That's up to you Sil."

"Okay sugar. Are hungry Jer?"

"Honestly I don't have an appetite."

"Okay that's fine."

We pulled into her garage and I carried my sister and brother along with my bag.

"Sugar you don't need to be carrying that much now."

"I'm fine, I promise."

"At least give me the bag."

"Sil I'm fine I promise, I wouldn't lie to you." She patted my shoulder and nodded. She opened the door so then I walked in.

"Jae!" Aww more kids. I love kids. They keep me happy and grounded. They keep the harmful thoughts away.

"Hi Jada, Hi princess."

I walked upstairs and put Bella and Caleb in there rooms. Yes Silvia literally made a whole room for us within the amount of time I've been in the hospital. I put them in the bed and went back downstairs to Jada and Katy.

"You you feeling Jae?" I looked at Jada.

"I'm okay." I heard sniffles and I looked at Katy and she was crying. "Why are you crying princess?" She wrapped her arms around my neck and locked her legs around me.

"Because you got hurt and I got scared."

"Aww princess I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, so don't worry your pretty little head about that okay."

"Okay." She stayed locked around me for at least thirty minutes before I put her down. "Where is Bella and Caleb?" She asked me while wiping her face.

"They are upstairs sleeping. Which brings me to my next question, it's 3 am....why are you two up?" They each giggled and looked at me.

"Because we wanted to see you and Bella and Caleb but there sleeping so now it's just to see you." Jada said with a small smile on her face.

"Well you can see me all day tomorrow right now though you two need to be in the bed since you have school tomorrow."

"Can you take us to school tomorrow?" I nodded my head before hugging them and sending them off to bed.

"I'm so fucking glad you got full custody of those two." I said to Silvia and she smiled.

"I am too, they just take all my worries and problems away."

"Yes they do."