I Was The Moon, You Were The Sun (Andy Biersack)

Break Down The Door To Your Heart | Chapter 22

Alice

4 months later

'"Hey guys...well this isn't the usual video I usually make." I said wiping my cheek. "I'm just lost. I don't know what to do anymore. If I can go on." I choked on some sobs then started crying. "

I don't know what to do. I feel so lonely. I just want to...die." I said gasping. "I don't even care." I said calming myself down a little bit. I'm recording a video and I'm not editing this at all.

"You all wanted a video right?" I choked out in tears. "Well, I...I'm deleting my YouTube and all my social medias. I...I have to get away from everything for now." I said holding my chest. As much as I loved Carolyn I've always loved my internet family.

"I'm sorry guys. I...it's just to much for me...I love you a lol I really do." I said wiping my eyes. "I'm just, I can't go on like a zombie....I don't want to keep going back to hurting myself to feel something."

I covered my mouth. "Fuck." I whispered below my breath. "I'm sorry guys. I love you all I really do....and don't ask Andy about me. We're fine. Just don't worry about me."'

I shot up on my sleep. I looked around the room and saw Andy sitting up and looking at me with his eyes nearly open. "You okay?" He said wiping eyes.

I nodded even though he couldn't see me. "Yeah...just bad dream." He pulled me closer. "I know it's hard to let something like your family go." I nodded again.

That dream was a memory of me a few months ago. I deleted everything. My 10 million subscribers and followers. I needed to...I don't even know. "C'mon let's get back to sleep." I nodded and curled up closer to his body.

~~~

I groaned as the sun hit my face from the window. "Wake up Alice. We promised we'd be there for Carter." I opened my eyes and looked around the room.

Andy was dressed again as usual. "Why do you wake up so damn early." I said getting up and tossing my hair into a bun.

"I'm not a lazy person." He said walking out of the room. I groaned and slipped some clothes and got ready. We're heading over to johnnies to see his and Alex's son Carter.

Johnnie and Alex are getting their own place and are going house hunting today, so we're babysitting. Bryan is in Nebraska visiting family.

We drove over there and got to the floor they lived on. We just walked in and the first thing I saw was Carter in one of those swing things. He's about maybe a month old. "Thank you guys again for babysitting." Alex said giving me a hug.'

"No problem. We love Carter and we are the godparents." I said holding Andy's hand. It was hard though. Seeing Carter knowing that's how small our baby would've been.

"Thanks Alice. Andy." Johnnie said giving us a hug each. "We will be back in an hour or so. The foods in the fridge just help yourselves. So parties or sexy time on our furniture." Johnnie said jokingly as he and Alex walked out.

The door closed and I was over to see Carter. He was in a blue blanket with a. Little bvb headband on that Andy got gotten him. He was sleeping and making little noises.

I felt Andy come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. "He's handsome." He spoke. "He looks like Alex." I said touching his cheek. He cooed and I gushed. I really wanted a baby of my own.

"I think we should try." Andy said I turned my head and looked at him. "Your crazy right?" I said. He shook his head and I turned my whole body. "Andy-" he cut my off. "She's said there was a 10% chance you could have an actual baby."

I groaned. "Andy...I can't...if we lose it it'll kill me more. Heck, I almost killed myself after Carolyn. I don't see how some woman just shake off miscarriages and pretend it never happened."

I sat down. He followed me and sat beside me taking my hand in his. "I..we dot have to try..I just really wanted to start a family with you..not just have you me Crow and Femme." He spoke up naming our two cats we got now. Well Femme.

I nodded and my head and buried it In his neck. "I know Andy...I know."

A/N FINISHED. Sorry. So I wanted to say something's.

1. THANK YOU to everyone who read the first book. We got 1k reads on it! Your guys are amazing.

2. The ending wasn't happy, like I had said none of my stories end happily.

3. I'm planning a third part. If you would want one. Otherwise it'll just end here on a unhappy note. The third one would probably be the only story I've written in history to end happy. Though, it might be really short. Like 10 chapters short. And into the future by 7 years.

4. I really don't get how some woman can just pretend like miscarriages are nothing. Take me mom for instance. She had lost twins and another baby one time. She never mourned or had a funeral thingy like Alice and Andy do for Carolyn.

5. This was a very lovely book to write, including the first one. I really like the idea about all the you tubers and such. My favourite story line is still my 'Goodbye Agony' I love it.

6. I love you seriously. Waking up to comments or seeing my stories reads go up higher. It makes me all fuzzy and happy. Even if it might be two different people who comment, they make me fuzzy and really happy. So THANK YOU. You guys are amazing.