I Was The Moon, You Were The Sun (Andy Biersack)

I Cant Do This On My Own | Chapter 21

*There is a trigger warning in this chapter. I thought I'd post one since this story doesn't contain it at all until now.*

Alice

"Alice. Babe, wake up." I groaned and rolled away from Andy who was nudging me. I pulled the blankets over my head. "Go away." I felt my phone start vibrating. "Alice." Andy said

I sat up and checked my phone, ignoring Andy. He sighed and sat beside me. I opened my phone up to the Twitter app, it was just a bunch of fans asking about my next video. I groaned.

I felt Andy's hand on my back. "Babe, we got to get ready." I looked at him, he had already showered. I groaned and laid back down. "I...I don't know if I can go." I said wiping away some tears that had fallen. I felt Andy lay beside me. "Babe, we..we have to, for us and for Carolyn."

I knew I had to, I just didn't want to cause then it'd be real. It would make it real and I don't want that. I don't want to have to watch my daughter be buried. I felt Andy's hand wiping away some tears I didn't know fall.

I nodded and sat up, Andy following my suit. "I'm going to go shower." I told Andy. I got up and grabbed out a long sleeved dress that went to my knees, also a bra and underwear. I took them to the bathroom and set them aside.

I turned the shower on and I undressed in front of the mirrors. I examined my body, I had lost allot of weight. Well...yeah. I ran my fingers over my collarbones and hip bones. I sighed and got In the shower.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

I washed my hair and body. I was about to grab some face cleanser when I knocked over some shaving razors and soap. It made a loud noise and broke. I sighed and picked up the broken plastic and bar of soap when I saw two silver blades on the ground of the shower.

I placed the things away and kept my eyes on the silver sharp objects. My eyes not leaving their sight once. I knelt down and picked them up and placed them in my hand. I looked down at my scar on my stomach

I then glanced at my thighs and wrist. I've heard that's where some people do this. I held one in my fingers and lowered my hand to my thigh. I need to feel anything. Anything but this sorrow for the rest of my life.

I placed the blade on my skin and I pulled fast. I gasped out in pain. I dropped the blade and bite my lip. That hurt. I looked down at my leg. It was fairly deep and wide. It didn't bleed much, guess that's what happens when it's deep. It all just gets stuck their and dries.

Of course some blood washed out. I waited for it to stop bleeding and got out and got dressed. I slipped my clothes on and blow dried my hair. I then straightened it and put on some black makeup. I got off the counter and fell to the ground.

"Fuck." I cursed below my breath. I pulled my dress up and looked at where I cut myself. There was a bruise. I must've hit it as I got up. I didn't know you could bruise yourself if you cut too deep.

"Alice." Andy said from the other side of the door. "Yeah." I called and he opened the door. I pushed my dress down and stood up. "I just tripped off the counter. I'm fine, lets go?" I said rushing. By him.,

I was already in the car when Andy walked out after feeding Crow. I put on some music and we drove off to Andy's moms summer home here. We didn't want it at our place. We couldn't bear knowing....well yeah.

It wasn't a far drive. We got there and everyone who mattered to us was there. We were greeted by Amy. "Oh, my dearest." She said hugging us. "Come in." We walked in. It was just like a supper then we go to the cemetery and..

I grabbed Andy's arm. "You okay?" He asked me holding my up. I nodded. I caught sight of Alex and ran to her. She had her arms open and we hugged. "I'm sorry for snapping at you." Alex said first.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I was just mad cause...our kids were supposed to be best friends to." Alex pulled back. "I..I told Johnnie." I gave her a smile. "He thinks it's great, and well...we want you and Andy to be the godparents." I gasped.

"I know it's not the perfect timing to tell you." She said sadly. I shook my head. "We'd love to. Alex your my best friend." And we hugged.

"Alice. Would you like to say a few words." Andy whispered to me. We were at the cemetery burning Carolyn. I looked at him. He was crying hard. I shook my head. I can't.

I just continued starring at the headstone. I looked down and itched at my cuts. "I'm sorry baby." I whispered. Andy held my hand as the priest spoke and people shared their kind words.

We each threw in a pile of dirt and people started going home. Me and Andy were the last two here. Andy and I stood in front of the grave for about half an hour. It wasn't seeping in. I'd lost my child.

I walked up to the headstone. Carolyn May Beirsack, Daughter. It read. I kissed my fingers and placed them on her name. "I love you angel."

A/N now I know I said around chapter 30 but...next chapter is the last.